"Just one more time, one more," she whispered.
Her arm was covered with slits & falling were the smallest droplets of blood. Two months clean & now she was back to her old self.
Harry was so happy after she 'stopped'. He was so happy to see no more scars up & down her arms. He was so happy.
But in a few hours he'd see the wounds she made on herself. He'd see how she failed. He'd see that she could never be clean, that this was what made her happy.
This was what she wanted, to see the marks on her arm. That's all she wanted. They both knew it was a terrible thing to do but this was her drug.
She felt as if she was turned into a whole different person when the blade made contact with her skin. She felt as if she was coming down from being so high after.
The feeling was painful but that's what she wanted. Pain. Before long pain turned into something different, something that she almost loved. Maybe pleasure? No one knows except for her.
"One more," she spoke.
Slash. Slash. Slash. That wasn't so bad, she thought. One more wouldn't hurt, would it? Probably not. Slash. That wasn't bad. Yet tears were pouring down her faces she continued.
Why was she doing this? She didn't want anyone to know the reason. She didn't want anyone to help her but it just slipped when Harry found out about the addiction.
'She's using him for fame.'
'He'd never love her, management put them together.'
'She's not even pretty.'
'She's an oversized ugly piece of shit who should just die.'
'No one likes her, he definitely doesn't like her.'
'Their relationship is fake.'
Etcetera.
She learned to ignore the hate but day after day she reads it. She's nearly crying a river of tears when she realizes how many fans hate her because she's with him.
Harry says how much he loves his fans & she tries to feel that love for them as well but it isn't the same. She cannot love those vile beasts who threaten her.
Some are very nice actually but the ones who hate her go on & on about what they wish would happen to her.
Why would they say things so mean? No one knows. Jealousy? Possibly. She loves him & he loves her. That's all that should matter but the hate finally got to her.
That's when it begin.
One slash.
Two slashes.
Three slashes.
More.
It became her drug. It sent her to space, far away from those who hated her.
The downside, Harry hated it. He hated to see her in so much pain. Hated to see what she'd done to her beautiful self.
He'd explain to her how beautiful & wonderful she was, how much he loved her but she could never take it to heart. It just felt so false.
She loved him but sometimes she felt he was embarrassed to be seen with a girl with cuts on her arms. He'd never said anything about it but she felt it.
"You don't deserve to live, just die die die." With each word another cut was made. With each cut another tear fell. And with each tear that fell, another one followed.
