P U S H I N G myself up from the couch harshly, I began to tread around the room. Surely I was the only man in the world to experience something like this. Something unexplainable. Something I couldn't even describe clearly. I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Theena!" My voice echoed around me.
The name tortured my mind, made me feel as if I was deranged or should be labeled as that. Was I though? I swear that would be the thousandth time I asked myself.
"Theena!" I called out again, this time sounding more desperate.
I gripped my hair and staggered over towards my work desk. Sitting down on the wooden chair, I yanked open the drawer and pulled out a old empty notebook and a pen. I began to write hastily, hoping that it could help.
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Everything she loves were things that someone real would love. Blinking slowly, I ripped out the paper and crumpled it up. I slammed the pen down. I couldn't forget her. If I forgot her then I would be nothing. Nothing. I am nothing. I put my head in my hands.
I need help.
Is that what she wants? I sound crazy, oh god maybe I'm crazy. I quickly powered on my laptop. Once the home screen appeared I clicked on the google chrome bar.
Local therapists, I typed.
Before I could click on a link my phone began to vibrate. I held my gaze on it for a few moments and then slid the answer icon over.
"Hey."
"Hey! I thought you were coming over to hang out with me and the kids? Today is your day off, right?"
"Not today." I could hear the crack in my voice.
I cursed under my breath.
"Ezra? Are you okay?"
A choked laugh escaped from my mouth before I could stop it. I put my hand over my lips and rubbed down.
"Ezra, what's going on?"
"I don't know. I'm tired," I said shortly, my voice was laced with emptiness.
"I'm coming over," Eliza declared. "I'm coming over now."
I listened as she called for my niece and nephew, Ronnie and Blake, to put on their shoes and get in the car.
"I don't need anyone. I'm fine."
"Tell me that to my face once I show up at your do–"
I hung up. Lacing my arms behind my head, I crossed a leg over the other and leaned back. The crumpled paper had all of my attention. Why was I acting like this. Why was I being unusually dramatic? Why did I have to care so much about a girl whom my dreams decided to make up and then take away?
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I was still in the same spot at my computer desk, slumped over the chair, fifteen minutes later. Eliza had wrenched the door right open, the kids followed her inside. I peered over at them.
"This was a waste of time, he seems fine," Blake uttered, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
He was the definition of every other angst filled teenage boy.
"He doesn't look fine at all," Ronnie frowned with a thumb in her mouth.
"He isn't baby." Eliza stroked Ronnie's long brown locks while glaring at Blake for his rudeness. "You two go and wait in your uncle's guest room. Now."
Blake rolled his eyes and pulled a wide eyed Ronnie down the hall. I gazed after them, still silent. Eliza walked over towards me.
"Look at me," she demanded.
I refused.
"I'm tired."
Eliza glimpsed over my shoulder and took a look at my computer screen.
"Why are you all of a sudden acting like a robot? You were perfectly happy yesterday at my house. Why do you need a therapist?"
"I don't know," I shrugged.
Honestly I didn't know what was wrong with me.
"Are you ill Ezra? Is there something I don't know?"
Maybe. I could be.
"I need you to tell me truthfully," pausing she took in a breath. "What's going on?"
I looked at her. Silence. That was my answer.
"Okay, I won't pressure you, but I'm confused. This is random. Are you having some type of breakdown? Are you having a crisis?"
"I don't know what's going on. I might just be stressed you know?" I lied. "I've got an amazing job – my dream job. I've got an amazing life. I've got everything, but it's all a routine. Everything I do is a routine. I don't know, I think... I think that I just need a few sessions maybe."
Eliza looked taken back.
"Then I'll just.... schedule something for you myself. Let me at least do that for you," she pleaded softly.
I nodded my head in agreement.
"And when you're ready you can tell me what's really going on."
