Leas POV
Tomorrow was Christmas and today was Christmas Eve. The house smelled like warm fresh cookies, and it was quiet except for the crappy Christmas music playing. With out Jax here it was quieter and to be all the way honest kind of boring. His mom dropped him off at a relatives house for a couple hours for a visit . He had been gone for about 30 minutes and I already missed the little toddler. Jacqueline had gone out getting food for tonight's dinner as well as tomorrow's. Tom was upstairs in our room asleep. I decided to use this free time alone to read, after just finishing up a long phone conversation with my mother I had a headache. Hopefully reading would relax me some. I found a small reading space by a tall window. I curled up with a blanket and stared out the window sometime today it had started snowing. I found it comforting to watch the snow blanket the ground.
It was so cold. I had to be careful not to press against the window because it was freezing. I sighed heavily and turned to the first page. I was drowning out the music that flowed through the home. My eyes scanned over the page when I couldn't help but hear the beginning of 'Have yourself a merry little Christmas'. Sadness flooded all over me. It brought back a memory, a Christmas memory with my mom and Dad. I closed my eyes and thought really hard.
I was a little girl sitting between my mom and dad listening to this song drinking hot chocolate and staring at the Christmas tree we had just finished decorating. My mom was singing along with Frank Sinatra as he sang. My dad looked happy. I was happy. We were happy.
The memory ended and I opened my eyes. My cheeks were wet and there were three darkened spots on the page of My book, where my tears had dropped. I heard footsteps and wiped my eyes quickly. "Hey kiddo" it was my dad. He sat next to me. I guess the song got to him too. "I like this song" he said.
I didn't answer. I couldn't take this anymore I deserved answers and I wanted them now. "Why?" I said with the voice I always got before I cried. "Why did you leave?" I choked out. He exhaled. "I knew this conversation would come". He went quiet. He looked over at my right arm. "I remember that day" he said pointing at a scar that was fading. "What?" I asked I had always has this scar I just never knew how it got there. He laughed. "When you were 3 you liked to jump on things, and so you climbed up on the kitchen counter and started jumping and you slipped and scraped your elbow, I remember me and your mother running to find you on the floor screaming and crying your eyes out, I held you as you cried and your mom cleaned you up" he said looking ahead. I was silent. "Okay I know your impatient so I'll get on with it, when you were born it was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life I had a house, a wife I loved" I scoffed at the last one. "And I had a daughter who I loved and wanted to be there for and care for, but when you turned seven, me and your mom started falling apart, I was always working and when I was home she was working and when she was home I was working, it would be days when I didn't even see your mother that's when I had the affair, Jacqueline was so different and she made me happy and that's what I wanted." He said. A hot tear fell to my hand and I wiped it on my pant leg.
He went on. "When your mother found out she was furious she wanted me out,
I didn't know how to tell you so I left" he explained. "But why? Why did you pretend I didn't exist?" I asked. He sighed. "Because I knew you were hurting and I didn't want to make anything worse so I thought the best thing to do was to leave you alone" I was angry. I yanked my shirt sleeves up and stood up. I turned my wrist to him. "Really! The best thing to do? Does it look like it was the best thing to do?" I shouted. He turned away. Years of scars, years of pain, years of hurt all of it showed on my arm. "No it wasn't the best thing to do, I suffered for so long, not one phone call, not one text, not one letter, it's like you acted like I never existed" I cried. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for all those years I wasted running from my past hurting what I love most I can never get those years back but I promise you that I will try to make them up" he stood up to embrace me in a hug. My body practically shook with the feeling of nostalgia he used to hug me like this when I was younger. "Shh, it's okay dry your tears" he cooed. I felt like I was 5. I gathered my self together and pulled away.
