**There will be a trigger warning where needed, but the possibly triggering parts will be written in bold so if you want to miss those out, you can, danke!**
**Also, sorry for the delay, writers block, sorrayyy...**
Phil’s POV
I walked into my room and sat on my bed, trying to hold back tears, but failing.
Come on, Phil, be strong! He’ll be back; you know what he’s like.
This time I ignored the nagging voice in the back of my head and just bawled my heart out. Dan’s gone, and he’s never coming back! It’s all my fault! I continued crying as I made my way into the bathroom, and rummaged through the cabinet, looking for a razor. I pulled it out and fumbled around, trying to get the blade out, although my eyes were full of tears, making it practically impossible. Thankfully, I succeeded, and placed the plastic remains in the bin.
As soon as I held the blade to my pale wrist, all the memories from my younger teenage years came flooding back, and how much abuse and hate I got for being gay. I pulled up my sleeve further up my arm to revel the faint marks from around a decade ago, when I got really bad, needing to be hospitalised and everything. These were the ones I’ll probably have for life. Everyone hated me, abused me, spat at me, called me stuff like faggot and disgusting and that no matter how hard I’ll try, I’ll never have anyone love me...I’ll never have anyone love me. Why have I been so stupid!? Dan will never love me! He’s straight; I know he is, he’s had enough girlfriends in the past to show he’s not gay in the least!
**TRIGGER WARNING!! IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ YOU DONT HAVE TO, DANKE!**
Before I knew it I was slicing the blade deeper and deeper into my wrist, admiring the crimson sticky stuff pouring out my wrist and into the sink. I’ve failed everybody; I’ve failed Dan, I’ve failed my parents, but most of all, I’ve failed myself. After around ten years clean, I’ve gone and messed up my arm yet again. More tears ran down my red cheeks as I caught sight of myself in the mirror in front of me, and I realised how disgusting and horrible I really am. I’ve been so selfish in thinking Dan will ever look at me the way I look at him, like me the way I like him, but no, he hates me, everyone does...
An hour later and I had about eighteen deep cuts on my left arm and five smaller ones on my right. Although they were only small they were still deep enough to draw blood, and to spill into the sink. I started to panic at the high velocity of the blood coming out both of my arms, and started to wonder if the blood will ever stop. The blood-stained blade was now on the floor, staining the ceramic tiles with my blood. The tears continued flowing freely down my face and into the sink, washing away small quantities of the blood.
Moments later, relief washed over me as the last of the blood was washed away, but was soon replaced with dread, fear, but most of all, regret. Ten years clean just went down the drain. I scurried around in the cabinet for a bandage, and thankfully, found one. I wrapped it round my arms carefully, so as not to make them bleed any more, and pinned them together, so they wouldn’t fall off. I just hope Dan will come back soon...
A/N – Sorry for the delay, writers block, but I hoped you enjoyed this! Sorry if it triggered anyone, I can’t control what you can and can’t read, it’s your choice! :D So yeah, I’ll update as soon as I think of something fairly interesting, baiii!!
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The Lion and the Llama (Phanfiction)
Fanfiction*TRIGGER WARNING* Dan and Phil start having feelings for each other, but after one of Dan's nightmares causing him wanting Phil to sleep with him the rest of the night, things start spiraling out of control. (Phan, self harm, swearing etc etc etc) O...
