Choke me » Joshler/tysh

3• So gay, oh so very gay

Tyler's pov

I've been on edge all week. I can't take it. I keep catching glances of him, but then I can't bring myself to look away from him until it's too late and he catches me staring.

The boy with the pale sugary pink hair. The unsocial boy who seems to prefer the company of his cigarettes rather than his peers.
The boy with stretchers and a nose piercing.
The new boy that no one seems to know the name of as he keeps to himself.
The mysterious boy with that ever present smirk displaying on his lips everytime I see him.
The boy with this dominating air and confidence.

He's killing me, he is actually killing me.

You see, I know I like boys, I have a thing for boys so bad, but I'm not supposed to. That's why I'm freaking the frick out.

He's all over their with his confident demeanour, calling me pretty boy and getting all up close to me. I don't know wether he is actually showing interest in me or if my gay self is getting out, I can't let my inner gay get out!

Me on the other hand, I have this fake confidence that I put out there for all my friends and basket ball and so forth, but I'm not really like that.
I'm freaking soft okay.
I'm not really some popular sporty basket ball guy,
I'm just a soft little gay boy on the inside.
I'm trying so hard to suppress that, but that fucking punk boy is bringing it out of me. That, that bitch.
Whenever he's around I'm not all cool and collected, I just have to try to be, but my soft inner gay boy is melting away everytime he looks in my direction.
The soft little gay boy is brought out by this non social punk guy with this 'I don't care' attitude.

I am totally okay with being gay, I just like to keep that part of me inside and away from everyone else because I don't want other peoples opinions on being gay to affect my opinion on being gay. Up until now it's been fairly easy to separate those two parts of me, or at least keep the real me on a low profile.

But get this, the other day punk boy was in my class and I was sitting a few seats behind him towards the right. I just couldn't keep my eyes off him, and I didn't even realise what I was doing, that was until he turned around and I swear to god I saw him wink at me, I think my heart practically stopped. I almost started choking, I actually swallowed the air that hitched in my throat causing me to almost choke on nothing.
All that was soon interrupted by my mate Ray, who was all like *over exaggerated dopy voice*
"Dude if you like him then just-" to which I automatically snapped back at him saying "I don't like him!"
He then stared back at me with confusion written all over his face before slowly telling me "I don't mean like him as in that kind of a way..."

So I sat there all jittery as I clenched and reclenched my clammy fists realising that my first initial thought was that he was suggesting I was being gay which therefore means that I was in fact being gay.

So yes, I am on edge, on edge as I try not to appear like the little gay boy I'm am. And to do that, I've been actively trying to avoid the boy that's bringing my gay ass out of me.

I literally will wait around the corner until he is done at his locker before I go and grab my stuff out of mine.

If he winks at me or even gets close to me when I'm around my friends I know I won't be able to properly control my gay self and they will find out. So I have to keep a very defined line between this guy and me and my friends and literally everyone who goes to my school. So if I just avoid this guy all together there will be no probablem. I just have to stop physically drooling or getting all shy everytime he is in the same vicinity as me.

I sipped at my energy drink that was basically just liquified sugar and preservatives as I stood in the hall listening to Ray chat about his wrist injury until we both heard the bell go off meaning we had to head off to class.