I am not afraid

4.

I feel a sharp poke in my side, it hurts a little actually but despite that I continue to lay on my side and ignore that it happened.

But it happens again and a quiet voice says, very close to my ear "Gerard? Are you awake?"

I forgot Frank was there to be perfectly honest, he's so quiet. But now he's spoken my body starts to recognise the extra weight on my bed, the warmth of an extra body close to me and even more so the warmth of that body breathing on my neck.

I inhale sharply and turn onto my back, all of a sudden his face is directly above me. Quite clearly, he hadn't been expecting me to turn over.

"What's up Frank?" I ask him keeping my voice low, partly because I don't want my Ma to hear but also because currently my voice won't push itself past a whisper. It does that when I've only just woken up.

"I really need to use the bathroom but I don't know where it is and I don't want to go by myself"

I sigh and he moves so I can sit up "c'mon then, I'll come with you" I tell him dropping my legs out of the bed and creeping across my bedroom to unlock my door as silently as I can. He follows closely behind me and I check outside the door before opening it fully, leading him across the landing to the bathroom.

"Here, I'll wait outside" I tell him opening the bathroom door for him, he shakes his head in protest however.

"No, come in with me, then if anyone turns up outside the door you can talk and it won't seem weird since I'm not actually supposed to be here" he argues looking a little worried. I have to admit, it is a better idea than waiting outside so I just shrug and enter the bathroom with him locking the door behind us.

I go over to the sink, my back turned to the toilet "you can go now I'm not looking"

So he does, I hear his flies unzip and I try to zone out after that, turning on the tap to drown out any noises he makes and splashing the cold water on my face. I look in the mirror briefly and catch a glimpse of Frank with his back to me, then I reach over and bury my face into a soft white towel. I sigh into it, the warmth feeling comforting after the temperature of the water, the towel smells good too.

I almost have a heart attack however when I put the towel away from my now dry face and see Frank suddenly in the mirror stood right behind me. My heart is racing like it's about to burst from my chest and land on the floor.

"Fuck...Frank don't do that!" I blurt out clutching my hand to my chest, it's a feeble action because it does nothing to slow my hear rate down.

"Sorry...I'm done. We can go back now and-" he doesn't finish his sentence, I hear a voice outside the door that I definitely don't want to hear right now.

"Gerard? Is that you in there? Are you okay?" My Ma asks, her voice a little croaky. Clearly she's just woken up.

"I'm fine Ma, go back to bed I'm just using the bathroom" I call back to her trying to get her to go away. She doesn't go straight away, but I hear her sigh and wander her way back to her bedroom.

I quickly grip Frank's hand, unlock the bathroom door and pull him back to my bedroom locking that door behind us and giving a huge sigh of relief that no one saw us. I feel like I'm hiding a secret lover despite the fact I'm not actually romantically involved with Frank in any way.