I am not afraid

6.

He's sat on the floor and I just can't stop staring at him. He's looking through that box of photographs again and his face is in almost perfect profile but he's still beautiful. He has flaws as everyone does, a tiny little bump on the bridge of his nose, a small circular dipping scar in the space between his eyebrows (most likely from chicken pox) and a couple of red blemishes here and there, but despite those, I can't see anything that isn't perfect. Somehow, I see straight past them.

Suddenly he glances at me and grins and I shoot my eyes down to my knees. I hear him stand but I don't look up until I hear his voice right in front of me

"You're very quiet" he says, I can feel the warmth radiating from him "what's up?" He asks me as I look up at him, he has a sparkle in his eyes but he looks a little concerned too.

"Nothing. Just thinking"

I hope that makes him leave it, I've given a simple non leading answer and I just want him to not ask and let me stare at him some more. But that doesn't happen.

"Oh? What about?" He asks stepping away from me again. He checks the time on his watch and frowns a little "can I stay tonight again?"

I nod and he grins, but I don't answer his question. All of a sudden though, I can't physically answer even if I wanted to. He takes the bottom of his shirt in his fingers and pulls it over his head.

Shit...he's hot. I've only ever seen small sections before, but I never expected this to be what his whole body was like. He's toned, holy shit is he toned, slim and athletic not big, I never thought that that would be under his baggy shirts. He has a huge tattoo piece on his chest and one so low down on his stomach that it makes me blush just to look at it, he's stunning. I use that word a lot when I look at him, but it's completely true.

I thought he just took care of himself enough to not be fat, apparently, it's more than that.

"You didn't answer my question" he says dropping his shirt on the floor and raising an eyebrow.

I manage to answer "Uh...no. I didn't"

He chuckles "why not? Something you don't want to share? Got some inappropriate thoughts up there pretty boy?" He questions a cocky smirk appearing on his face as his eyes quite casually look me over.

My mouth answers before my brain again "you are hard to stop thinking about though"

He bites his lip then starts towards me, his eyes fixed on me the entire time. He doesn't stop until he's right in front of me, touching distance "am I?" He starts, he places a finger under my chin and makes me look up at him.

"There's something I've wondered for a little while now. And I wanted to ask you" he continues, he traces his fingers down my forearm and gently takes hold of my wrist "have you ever touched a man?" He finishes, I feel my breathing catch in my throat as he places my hand on his torso, midway between his abs and his chest.

I feel myself flush and try to move my hand away but he doesn't let me, he places his hand on top of mine to stop it "I don't mean a little boy, teenagers are underdeveloped. I mean, an actual man. Has this delicate hand ever traced a man's skin, has it ever felt another man's heartbeat?" He asks moving my hand to his chest.

I can feel it, the strong thumping against his ribs, his heart is beating fast. I can't remember ever having that effect on someone, then again, there's an entire section of my life I can't remember.

"I don't know...I don't remember" I tell him forcing myself to look at him again, he locks his fingers between mine on his chest and smiles a sad little smile.