I am not afraid

10.

"Gerard? Sugar are you crying?"

Even though Frank is completely correct and yes, I am indeed crying, I shake my head. I'm laying on my side on his bed with my back to him, somehow he's figured it out though.

The voice came back, he terrified me this time though. He was telling me how ugly I am like he usually does and then he paused. He told me to- to...

Fucking hell... He told me to kill him.

He then decided to change victims, telling me to kill myself. He told me that I'll never get anywhere, I'll never be anything and it would be the kindest thing to do, to save everyone else the heartache of having to know me.

Gerard Way, the psycho, the failure.

"Gee... I know you're crying. C'mon just talk to me"

I screw my eyes up trying to stop my head from swimming, trying to stop the bad images that are infiltrating my brain.

"I-I c-can't Frank" I murmur unable to push my voice past a broken, stuttering whisper.

I feel his weight shift on the bed and for a moment nothing happens, then I feel a hand on my cheek and I manage to force my eyes open only to look into his perfect chocolate hazel ones. He smiles a little and uses his thumb to brush away the tears from my cheek.

"I can't help you unless you talk to me beautiful..." He says his voice dropped low and gentle, a voice that instantly lowers the rate of my racing heartbeat and puts a warm feeling through my chest.

Beautiful... He called me beautiful.

"Frank I..." I try to form a sentence but my brain scrambles it. So I stop, reform the sentence in my head and try again "the voice in my head told me bad things again... I don't want to do them Frankie I don't want to.." I manage to tell him.

He brushes his thumb across my cheekbone and gives a sad little smile "hush sweetheart, you don't have to do anything. It's just a voice, just a silly little part of your magnificent brain that wants to fight back"

I sniff "But he was winning"

"Then you know what we do?" He prompts.

I shake my head.

"We don't let it win. Fight it Gee, you're worth more than to listen to that voice. Don't let it take you over"

He leans forwards and places a gentle kiss on my forehead which brings an instant smile to my lips "alright?" He mumbles.

I take his hand briefly and he gives it a gentle squeeze "alright".

~

I wake up before him, it must be around 3am or maybe 4 at the most based on the time I managed to get to sleep and the fact I know I've not been asleep for more than a few hours. The ache in my body and soreness of my eyes is enough to tell me that.

I turn over to look at Frank, completely peacefully unconscious. His bare chest is only half covered by his blankets and it's rising and falling gently as he breathes. His eyelids are closed which makes his thick eyelashes cast a shadow on his cheeks, the dim bedside lamp casting just enough light to cause it and his soft pink lips are turned up a little in a contented subconscious smile.

He's serenely beautiful, just by sleeping he's drawing me in.

I can't help it when I inevitably move closer and trace a finger over the large chest tattoo he has, causing him to shudder in his sleep. I don't stop though, I feel the urge to move the blankets down to see more of him, to look at what I was too embarrassed to earlier.
I pull the covers down enough to see his hips, pale and perfect, soft to the touch and smooth where the bone lies just under the skin. He has a tattoo here also, two swallows within a quite intricate design one with a cross over its tiny eye and one with what seems to be a bandit mask.