The Hatred That Grows In Us All

Love Is Blind

     Have you ever loved someone with such passion that you would do anything to see them happy? You would go to the moon and back just to give them everything they desperately desire. However, this was not the case. I never understood the true meaning of love. I would read those fairytale stories every time questioning whether a love like that really existed. I can't really say that I know what it means after all that happened, but I have an "educated guess" about how it feels.  If love is wrong, then I don't mind being right. You might be reading this and asking yourself, "what the heck is this person talking about?!" Welp, I guess you'll have to wait to find out.

     I signed a contract with death the moment I was born. I had no idea what my destiny held or that my life was going to be worthless. As a child, I never got along with my mother. We would always fight over useless things. Well, she's the one that did most of the screaming while I sat there listening to every single word she said. Who am I kidding! I didn't listen to nothing she said, but I'll give myself props for my wonderful acting.  As long as she didn't ask me to repeat everything she said verbatim, I was perfectly fine. Some people have a baseball card collection or a doll collection. Me however, the cuts on my arm were my collection. I proudly show them off like someone might show off the countless awards they won. Every time we argued, I would get the razor and cut my arm to remind me of the many times that I thought of ending my life. The pain that I felt was not as bad as the pain that I felt in my heart. My ears were burning from the hurtful words of my mother while my heart was, figuratively, breaking into pieces.

"You are worthless! When will you ever do something useful with your life? I should have aborted you when I had the chance!!"

It was like that everyday I was refused the opportunity to never open my eyes again. Running away was my first option, but where would I go to. In my mind I knew that she was upset because my father left her. The moment he found out that she was pregnant, he wanted nothing to do with her. They were really in love with each other, but maybe that love was not mutual. Instead of loving me like most mothers would, she despised me. She would tell me how much I resembled my father with anger in her voice. This is why love has never been something that I wanted to experience. I didn't want to be blinded by love and end up like my mother. Just because their relationship sunk didn't mean that I had to suffer the aftermath of the whole thing. If I ever ended up having a child, I would never treat him/her the way my mother did, but then again I didn't even think that I was going to last that long.

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First time writing my very own story, so this might not be such a great start. Hopefully, it's worthy of being read, but hey you might end up finding some truth to this. I don't know if there might be a second part to this, but I'll see where this will go.