The Hatred That Grows In Us All

The Demons Inside My Head

"Honey, you know that I love you, right?"

"Love? Did you just say that you love me?"

"I know I've been tough on you lately, but I really do care about you."

"I get it! The alcohol has finally gotten to you."

"That's no way to talk to your mother!"

"My mother..... Oh she died a long time ago."

With those last words, I walked out on her not even looking back to see her reaction. Some people may say that was pretty cruel, but you will never understand the hell that she put me through. I meant what I said and I was going to stick to it. My mother did die a long time ago. I can't really say that I knew the feeling of having a mother love you unconditionally and was willing to do anything to see her child happy.

What I did know was the feeling of not being wanted. How dare she talk to me about love when she didn't even know the definition of it. She claims to know the feeling, but fails to show it when it matters the most. I know you might be wondering, "what job did your mother have?" I wished I could answer that question because I didn't even know myself. She stayed home all day and came home at night drunk. I'm surprised she didn't come back with a child yet.

She was a heavy drinker. She didn't know when to stop. I guess she enjoyed drinking all her problems away. Just like the way I enjoyed cutting my problems away. I was forced into learning how to cook for myself. Not once have I seen her in the kitchen cooking. She expected me to do everything for her as if I was her slave! I wouldn't mind it if she actually treated me like I mattered, but she didn't, so why did I owe her anything?

I locked myself in my room. The thing with me is, I never been outside before because I always isolated myself in my room. I found comfort there. I loved hearing the "click" sound of the lock. I sat on my bed with a brutal force. I looked into the mirror, then back at the wall.

"Just do it! No one will have to know. Don't you envy that sensational feeling? I know you want to do it. It will be quick and simple and you can hide the body somewhere no one will ever think to look."

"No! Go away! I'm not going to listen to you. I don't want to be like you. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

"We will never leave you! You asked for this the moment you picked up that knife. You will do it, sooner or later."

It echoed in my ear continuously. "Just do it!" I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my mother even if she caused me nothing but pain. I looked down to see a knife in my hand. I didn't know when it got there or how long I had it in my hand. Did I accidentally grab it when I was talking to my mother? It couldn't have been an accident. They did it.

"Just do it!"

"Just do it!"

"Just do it!"

"No one will have to know!"

It played in my head like a broken record. I could feel myself getting sick. I couldn't stand it any longer. I threw the knife at the mirror. I could hear the glass break, but it also broke me away from the words of the demons in my head.

They came more often now. I can honestly say that my mother drove me to this state. They became obsessed with the death of my mother. I was willing to fight it for as long as I could.

I got up to clean the mess that was made when I threw the knife. I looked at my shattered mirror and saw someone that was now a stranger to me. I didn't know who I was anymore.

I lost myself...........

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Do you think she will do it? Maybe she will or maybe she won't. No one knows. Keep reading to find out.