The Hatred That Grows In Us All

Death Is Knocking At My Door

Having to watch her get buried was even harder. There was a lot of people at the funeral. I took a quick glance around until a familiar face stood out. It was Alex. She was at the funeral. I quickly looked away before she could see me. I wondered if she saw me or not. To get out of the house wasn't difficult, it was actually being here that was. I wore dark clothing, so my mother didn't bother asking when she saw me wearing a black dress today. I also didn't bother telling her where I was going when she asked. I just walked out on her. I looked straight ahead at the casket, then at Mr. Brown. He was sitting right beside me and I could see him fight to hold back the tears.

After the funeral, I saw Alex standing by herself. I walked up to her knowing that I was the last person she wanted to see right now. I already lost Mrs. Brown, so I would never forgive myself if I lost Alex as well.

"Hey."

"Hey. I'm sorry for your lost. Mr. Brown told me how close you and Mrs. Brown were. You must really be in pain right now."

"You have no idea, but I just came to say that I'm sorry. You and Mrs. Brown were the best thing that ever happened to me and I let you both slip away."

It took me by surprise when she hugged me. I didn't know if she was hugging me because she forgave me or the fact that she knew that I was in a lot of pain after losing Mrs. Brown. It was probably both. I wasn't much of a hugger, but I really needed it right now. When she finally let go, I asked her if she could come over to my house later to talk about things. I knew it was a mistake the moment I said it, but it was a little too late to take it back. She nodded her head and gave me one last hug before walking away. I went back to Mr. Brown, who was standing by his car while people passed by saying how sorry they were.

We both gave each other a look knowing that we both wanted to leave. I got into the car and Mr. Brown soon followed. We drove in silence again on the way back. As soon as I opened the door, I regretted that I did.

"Where have you been?"

"I was at a funeral. I watched as they buried you in the ground."

"Excuse me? Did Mrs. Brown taught you how to disrespect your mother?"

"You heard me and don't bring Mrs. Brown into this. She was a better mother than you ever was. When you decided to make my life a living hell, did you ever stop to think about the amount of pain I would be in? Don't try to act like you're my mother now because you never seemed to realize it when you stabbed me in the heart."

"Then you might as well join her since you love her so much. She made you think that she cared and loved you, but who would ever love a worthless person like you. You couldn't even save her. She died because of you."

"NO!"

I knew it was a mistake to come home, but she was not going to talk about Mrs. Brown like she didn't mean anything to me. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife before making my way back into the living room.

"What are you going to do with that? You couldn't kill me even if you tried. You don't have the guts."

Every word she said only made me even more angry. I wanted to stab her in the heart until she was laying dead on the floor. I heard someone come in, since the door was still open. I must have forgotten to close it when I came. I turned around to see Alex standing there. Her eyes grew wide when she saw me.

"What are you doing with that in your hand? Just put it down so we could talk."

"I can't put it down. You don't know the hell my own mother put me through. She treated me like garbage ever since I was little. She's the reason for the cuts on my arms and why I'm afraid to get close to anyone."

"Please. Just put it down and we could talk about it before you do anything you'll regret. I don't want to see you locked behind bars for the rest of your life."

"It's better than living with her. I've lost my reason to live. Mrs. Brown kept me going even when the demons in my head insisted that I should stop. Now that she's gone, I have nothing."

"You have me. Isn't that enough? If you do this, I will never forgive myself. I don't want to lose you. Do you remember the first time we met? You were really stubborn and kept pushing me away, but I kept coming back because I saw something great in you. You're just going through a tough time now, but you can pull through this."

I turned the knife on myself. I meant what I said about not having a reason to live. I wanted to listen to Alex and stay for her, but my mind was already made up. Before she could get to me in time, I forced the knife into my heart. I fell on the ground and watched as Alex kneeled down next to me. She held my hand and I could feel the warmth of her soft hands on mine.

"No, please don't leave me. You have to stay awake. Don't die on me know when I need you the most."

I could feel my eyes slowly closing. When it finally did, everything became dark, but the last thing I will see is how hurt Alex was and the tears that rolled down her cheeks. This was the end. I felt stupid for allowing them to win. I should have tried harder. I should have fought more to stay alive.

But I was already gone.