The Hatred That Grows In Us All

The Light Within The Dark

     The day that I started going to school was the turning point in my life. At least I didn't have to deal with my mother for the first half of the day I thought. Any place where my mother wasn't made me ecstatic. I was kinda depressed that I was leaving the comfort of my room, but I needed this more than anything.

     I never depended on my mother for anything that I wanted. When I first started going to school I had to ask my neighbors for assistance. They were an old couple who have been together for 40 years. They have been my neighbors for as long as I could remember. I was dumbfounded by the love that existed between them. I never knew that a love like that could exist for so long. They had a bond that couldn't be broken. They were the only people that I actually talked to.

    I didn't have much friends or people I could turn to, but their heart were like gold. They had a kind heart. They would always talk to me about how important education was, so they were pretty eager to help me out. They took me out to buy school supplies and made sure that I had everything that I needed up to the point of my 16th birthday. Mrs. Brown knew about my situation at home and how my mother was an alcoholic. She would sit on the front porch and watch as my mother come home drunk every night. She would always tell her how that alcohol was going to be the death of her.

"Are you sure you don't need us to help you out anymore? We would gladly love to help you."

"Yes, I'm sure. You two have done so much for me already. I'm 16 now and I think that it's best if I find a job to take care of myself."

"Have you ever thought about what college you want to go to or what you want to be?"

"I didn't really think about that. I don't really know what I want to be or what college I want to go to."

"Just know that you have the potential to be anything great and you are one of the smartest people that I have met in my lifetime. Don't let such a beautiful life go to waste."

     With that I left keeping the words uttered by Mrs. Brown in mind. Like I said before, I didn't really have any friends. I always wore dark clothing to school even up to my teen years. I remember once the teacher asked me if I was preparing myself for a funeral. I wanted to tell her that I was planning for her funeral, but that seemed kinda harsh, so I simply told her that she'd be surprised by the amount of people that died each day. I didn't have to deal with people bullying me because I made it clear on the first day that I wasn't the one to mess with.

     Each time I walked down the halls, everyone would move away and all you would hear are the whispers of curious children. I didn't mind that feeling. I actually liked being the isolated one and I never spoke to anyone. Most of my teachers believed that I had a problem, but I always tried to convince them that I didn't. It caught me off guard when Mrs. Brown asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I was being honest when I said that it never crossed my mind. No one has asked me that question before. Maybe it was because I never really talked to anyone. No one ever dared to come up to me.

     I kept my grades up for as long as I could remember. I didn't really see myself as the intelligent type. There's a lot of things I didn't see myself as, but it just was who I was. Most of my points definitely didn't come from class participation that's for sure. I was the quietest one in the class and I barely participated in anything. I didn't actually know where to find a job, but I kept on searching for one. I didn't want to live with my mother any longer. I couldn't wait to go off to college. I found my inspiration to live when I started talking to the Browns. Sadly, each time I had to come home, it was smashed into pieces.

      I'm astonished that I made it this far. I thought I would have ended my life by now. Of course they still live with me as well. I can't escape them no matter how hard I try. They have been coming less lately, but they made their presence known when they did come. Maybe I would do it sooner if not later. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!!! I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. I wasn't going to do it.

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I really want to finish this story. Hopefully I finish this before school starts again.