ultraviolence

eighteen

song tip: teddy bear - melanie martinez

(i'm not even kidding, go listen. the lyrics are literally ushijima and oikawa's relationship)

-

oikawa wasn't up for school after the bomb sugawara dropped, yet he felt like he was suffocating inside as well. so he spent the day walking around town again.

around four, he sat down in a café, and ordered green tea. he wondered if ushijima understood that he was out, or if he'd get punished when he got home. he honestly didn't care at that moment.

he sipped his tea gently, before noticing a certain spiky-haired individual walking in.

it all happened so quickly. his breath caught in his throat and he didn't blink for some time. iwaizumi walked in and his body froze completely. they may have spoken yesterday, but he hadn't physically seen him in a long time — and boy, did he long for him after being reminded.

iwaizumi looked around after placing his order. they locked eyes.

iwaizumi froze up too.

it wasn't until he was called out to get his coffee that he moved, and he looked pretty dazed as he did retrieve his order. the poor man looked lost for not words but actions.

oikawa gulped before waving iwaizumi over. the man looked relieved to be invited over.

he sat down across from oikawa, nodding him as a greeting. neither of them spoke for a moment, both awkwardly sipping their drinks. until oikawa broke the silence.

"still coffee, hm?"

"some habits don't leave," iwaizumi replied. "still tea?"

"as always. who needs energy, right?" he laughed softly.

"i do. surely after late night conversations," iwaizumi replied pointedly, raising an eyebrow at oikawa. he smiled awkwardly.

"yeah... sorry for waking you up."

"that's fine. i liked it, don't worry," he replied. "anyway, how's your new school?"

"it's nice. i made some good friends. my teacher's chill, so that's all good. ushijima did get me out of p.e."

"about ushijima, i need to ask you. why did you go back to him? that night?"

"because he hurt you," oikawa replied. "and i wouldn't be able to handle that again. that night... that night made me realize so many things. that once i let people in i wouldn't be suffering alone, and not in a good way. that i love you, not him. and the way he hurt you was so awful, because it was my fault. i did what everyone told me to and you ended up getting hurt. so i vowed to never let that happen again."

"you idiot," iwaizumi sighed. "what the hell made you think returning to him would make anything better? i didn't sleep for two days straight trying to figure out his address. i was worried sick. you know i'm in love with you and you disappear, just like that."

"well, you were very persistent on the subject of not pursuing anything between us," oikawa muttered. "besides, why didn't you just ask sugawara? he knows where ushijima lives."

"wait, he does?" iwaizumi frowned. "he told me he had no idea."

"he dropped me off at the apartment complex. it's pretty easy to find if you just look for his apartment number..." oikawa looked up at iwaizumi. "do you think he knew about us?"

"i sure as hell didn't tell him," iwaizumi muttered. "why wouldn't he give me the address?!"

"surely not..." oikawa whispered, eyes wide.

"maybe he forgot or something," iwaizumi sighed. oikawa stared at him.

"you don't mean..."

"sugawara's good when it comes to detecting romance," oikawa said softly, shock evident in his voice. "it doesn't seem like him, but what if..."

"what if what?"

"he kept it behind on purpose?"

"not sug—"

"oikawa!"

oikawa turned around to the door of the café.

"what the fuck are you doing with him!" ushijima stomped over to their table, absolutely fuming, not caring about who stared.

"we're just chatting," oikawa replied, reflexively cowering back into the far corner of the booth.

"with his jerk?!" he shouted. "we're leaving!" he grabbed his arm roughly, yanking him out of his seat without grace.

"let him go!" iwaizumi growled, jumping up. ushijima grabbed his throat with his free hand.

"come near him again and you can come pick up his remains," he threatened him.

"you wouldn't dare."

"try me," he spat, literally spitting in his face after before stomping off with oikawa trailing after him, whimpering in pain. iwaizumi wiped his face as the people around him continued their own conversations, all glancing at him every few seconds. he sat down, devastated. what now?

-

"ushijima, please, it hurts," oikawa sobbed once they were inside. his shoulder was absolutely throbbing.

"why would you do that to me?!" ushijima yelled. "cheat on me like that! with a fucking teacher!"

"he's not my teacher anymore, and i'm not fucking cheating!" oikawa screamed, face tear stained. "he's god damned worried about me because you keep hurting me! at least he shows me respect!"

"i don't need to respect a liar!" ushijima shouted. "you love him and i know!"

oikawa went silent as he saw the tears in ushijima's eyes.

"i do," he admitted. "i love him. you're right. i don't love you anymore."

then, something miraculous happened.

ushijima started crying. loud sobs and shaking shoulders and harsh gasps for air. he sounded broken and vulnerable. oikawa's heart broke just a little.

"what happened to us?" ushijima asked between sobs.

"you hurt me," oikawa whispered. "i can't love you if you abuse me, ushijima. it's unhealthy." the brunette carefully wrapped his arms around ushijima's torso, the taller gladly accepting his hug.

"i'm so sorry, tooru. i don't know why i let that take over me," he cried, burying his face in the soft, brown locks.

"i know baby," oikawa whispered. "it's not like you." he took a deep, shaky breath. "but you did. and that's all i can think of for now."

"i love you," ushijima whispered. "i always have. and always will. i was jealous, and i acted horribly."

oikawa bit his lip. he believed him, that was the worst part. he knew that ushijima meant what he said.

but could he ever forgive him?

"listen, why don't you go take a walk and think things over. i'll get some ice for my shoulder. don't go drinking, just go to the park and get some fresh air. i don't think i can handle being around you like this right now."

"yeah," he replied, wiping his tears away angrily. "i'll be back. sober. promise."

"okay," oikawa smiled softly. "hey, stay safe, okay?" ushijima nodded as he walked out the door, hands in his pockets.

oikawa closed the door and let his knees buckle, resting his forehead against the door, crying softly. he missed the previous years in which they were happy, because honestly, those were the best years of his life. the happiest moments he remembered were with ushijima. but what he had done was unforgivable. and he had to stay strong.

even though he wasn't.