blind. 2 | styles (hariana)

XXXVI. Take a Breath, And Let the Rest Come Easy

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~ Ariana ~

I was curious to see the city. Given my past seeing anything new excited me, but it didn't make me feel any less part of an old world. I've always been a curious person, even with things that I already knew of; I simply wanted to know more.

But here I found my attention being drawn towards the simplest of things, like the striking colour of the fire hydrants we'd past by or how objects were arranged in the front of a store. I took note of how irritant every seemed to be as they wallowed through December's edge. Almost no one looked the slightest bit amused by the weather. I personally found it beautiful. The gloomy sky, white but stricken grey with the tiniest bit of snow falling, moving with the wind and landing delicately on my cheek.

When one particularly large snowflake landed on my nose, it took me aback and I brushed off my excitement as mere surprise. I glanced at Marcel and Harry who shared a similar expression to the rest of the city. I wanted to share my fondness of the weather today but the two of them felt otherwise, and for the whole walk have been whining about how we should have driven instead of walked. I kept my appreciation for myself and didn't tell them about what it felt like to see and feel snow, or how red the fire hydrants contrasted the gloominess of the sky that I found so beautiful.

Harry kept his tour of his campus short due to the cold weather. We didn't go into any of the buildings since Harry would rather not bump into anyone he knew, and instead he just pointed at the buildings where some of his classes took place. He talked about what each class was like, and the type of people he's become friends with, and the professors he liked and which ones he hated.

As we were exiting the campus, Harry pointed towards a building across the street which apparently was a popular nightclub that students went to. He's only been there a few times apparently, since he wasn't fond of going out too often unless his new friends dragged him there. It turned out he became more of a homebody when he moved here.

He still had stories to tell of some of the nights he went there. Apparently none of those nights compared to the night he first kissed me. The smile of Harry's face when he spoke about that night was not hindering, and he clearly seemed fond of that memory, saying how he might have denied liking the kiss at the time when really it was an eye-opener for him because of how much he enjoyed it.

Glancing at Marcel I noticed he was forcing a smile, and his eyes, which met mine, seemed almost apologetic. They looked sad, and I imagine my eyes looked the same.

As much as I would like to have forgotten about some of the wrong Harry has done in the past, you know, 'forgive and forget' and whatnot, there's just some things that aren't easily forgotten.

When I had kissed Harry I thought it was Marcel. I enjoyed the kiss because I was kissing someone who I cared about a lot at the time; Marcel. We were each other's first kiss. I imagine it hurt Marcel more than it hurt me. I can't help but feel the need to apologize for that night again. While Marcel understood and forgave me, I can't help but still feel subject to being undeserving. In a way I felt like I betrayed him, and he didn't deserve that, not when he said I was the first person he'd met who 'wasn't like the rest'.

Marcel shouldn't have felt sorry for going to the restroom and leaving me alone to wait for him. Harry should be sorry that he took advantage of me while under the influence to kiss me like that. And he was I'm sure, after everything we've been through, but I don't need the reminder.

As we neared the shops, Harry pointed towards the art store in particular and ran ahead. I didn't hear him correctly and neither did Marcel, so we watched as he made a run for it, crossing the street alone hastily in desperation to get to some place warm.