blind. 2 | styles (hariana)

XXXIX. In From The Cold

         

~ Harry ~

England was just as cold as I remember it. Although the crisp air seemed to hit me in different waves than before as my ears felt the brunt of the cold now with my hair cut short. It was an expected change, and as painful as it was, a good one. Ariana rested her head against my shoulder the moment she entered the taxi. Marcel followed suit and eventually laid his head over her shoulder as well. It was early the next morning and given the eight hour flight it was no surprise to me that these two were out cold. I would have been the same way if I didn't feel so anxious. My attention was directed towards the window as I allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts. Eventually I figured that if I was going to daydream I may as well sort out how I wanted this holiday to go. It was difficult not to think about the possibility of things going wrong. I knew in the back of my mind that the likeliness of this holiday turning out to be the worst one yet was pretty slim, but knowing that it could still happen left an aching sensation in the pit of my stomach that made me dread the holidays entirely.

Why bother if it's not going to work, one part of my mind would say while the other retaliated, Because at least you can say you made an effort and that's all anyone can do.

I felt a pressure on my cheek and a soft voice whisper, "Hey you," Ariana spoke up, her voice husky with sleep, "why so serious?"

I turned to her and gave her a small smile, "I was just thinking." I said, hoping she wouldn't see through my smile and see the internal conflict I was having with myself. I didn't want to bother her with it. "You can keep sleeping if you want. We still have a half hour to go before we're there."

"No, I'll keep you company. I know you're not sleeping anytime soon." She murmured as she glanced next to her where Marcel looked out like a light. "I can't move though, but know I'm listening." She continued, laughing softly as her arm reached out across my chest and she nuzzled her head further against my arm.

Silence overcame the both of us as there wasn't much to be said. I for one wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to complain about every aspect of my life to her. I didn't want to seem ungrateful or bring her mood down with my complaining. As well, I didn't feel like this was the right moment to share my thoughts with her. I'm glad she noticed this for herself, and knew that I wasn't about to spill what was on my mind. I had no doubt that she'd ask me later when we were alone and I made sure to remember to speak to her about it if she doesn't.

"Are your hands cold?" I asked her, noticing her hand ball into a fist and sink into my coat pocket. It looked uncomfortable for her, and despite her reassuring me it was okay, I took her hand out of its awkward position and rubbed it between my own hands. Her other hand was sandwiched between her crossed legs so I figured that one was fine.

"Sacrificing your hand so you can hug me, hmm?" I taunted her as she released a hearty chuckle. "The things I do for you. I love you." She murmured. My heart seized against my chest upon hearing her say those three words. "I love you too." I replied without a shadow of a doubt.

Although we didn't talk much for the rest of the drive, I was gradually becoming more and more settled with the idea that everything would be alright. I recalled the conversations I've had with Ariana in the past, her impeccable talent to somehow be right in the least probable cases, and her genuine support and love that I constantly felt that in spite of failure I still feel like I succeeded somehow. Suddenly the holidays didn't feel like such a lost cause. It wasn't like I had a deadline or a schedule I needed to follow. If I can't prove myself to be a better person to my family and friends, then I'll have to keep trying until they realize it for themselves. It wouldn't change the fact that I know myself to be a better person than I was before. Ariana was right when she said I'd learned my lesson. In a way I didn't need to prove myself to anyone, but ii can at least leave people with the notion that I have changed and for the better.