As Long As I Remember

I Can't Stop Loving You. Ever.

"I still love you, Christina."

Why the heck did I just say that?

A thick silence followed. It was so tangible that I felt the air closing around me and suffocating me.

I want her to run towards me and tell me she loves me still, too. I wish it was like some stupid romantic comedy I always make fun of.

But of course, she doesn't. She walks away from me towards the road, a cold glint shimmering in her eyes. Her posture is rigid and she walks in an angry way, stomping her feet as she heads back to the main highway. I run after her, carrying three bags that we packed with food and clothes. Once I catch up to her, my mouth opens and words slip out before I can stop them.

"I'm sorry."

She doesn't answer, just quickens her pace and speedwalks down the side of the road.

Great. The silent treatment.

For the rest of the way until we reach the highway, cross over, and walk south along Route 9 to head towards Staten Island, we both stay quiet. I catch her sneaking glances at me, and she catches me sneaking glances at her. The only difference is my looks are ones of concern and hers are ones of fiery arrows. I can tell she is extremely mad. I really made a mess of this, just because I was upset. I just had to take it out on her.

"Stop beating yourself up over this."

My head whips around to look at Christina. These are the first words she's said to me in over an hour. I was already missing her voice.

"I can see it in your eyes that you're blaming yourself for all this drama. It's really my fault. I was being clingy. You deserve some time to yourself, Matt. I'm really, really sorry."

The icy look melts out of her eyes. I think I see a tear roll down her cheek, but she quickly flips her hair so it covers her face. I decide to keep my distance, now that we aren't together. It takes all my strength to not go and push her dirty blonde hair out of her eyes. And it takes everything in me to not kiss her, to not say I'm sorry. We really do need a break. We were probably just rushing into things anyways. We were probably never even in love!

We continue walking. The cool, fresh air clears my mind, and with every step I take, I'm able to picture myself without her. I really never needed her anyway.

As we reach Old Bridge, New Jersey, night begins to fall. Through the darkness, I see Christina is getting tired, so I take one of her bags from her. Our hands brush, and I feel the familiar warmth travel up my arm.

So much for not being in love with her.

"Matt, I'm tired."

I see Christina has stopped walking and dropped all the bags she was carrying.

Oh no, she must've needed to stop and rest a while ago! She's still weak! I am such an idiot.

"I'm sorry! We should've stopped and rested and ate lunch!"

"That's ok. Can we stop somewhere for the night, though? I want a chance to look at the address again and maybe do some research about the organization."

I look at our surroundings and realize I know where I am.

"Actually, there's a motel right around here, maybe an half hour away. You think you can make it?"

She gives me a small smile, "Sure."

We continue on, me leading the way and carrying most of the baggage. We are still silent, but this time it's not as awkward. More comfortable and friendly.