As Long As I Remember

I Hate Not Remembering

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a tortuous, never-ending cycle with no way out?  Like, I don't know, you're a piece of filthy laundry that keeps getting thrown into the wash because one stubborn stain stays in place?  Well, I definitely have.  That's pretty much my life story.  Everywhere I go I feel people's stares and hear their whispers.  I can never get away from it because it's written all over me, my face, my appearance, and my attitude.  Sometimes, I wish that those people would put themselves in my shoes.  I bet that they would just begin to understand the pain and agony I live through if they lived how I live, even for just one day, how I have lived for as long as I remember.  You see, there's the problem.  As long I as remember... quite frankly, I don't remember much.  All I remember is the past year of my life and one memory before that.  That one memory is what I hold onto to keep me sane; it visits me every night in my sleep...

I'm in a dark room with a single light bulb swinging above me.  It's hypnotizing and calming.  I hear voices in the background, and footsteps, and something else, too.  A gun shot!  I'm surrounded now, but I don't care.  The light bulb is so soothing.  People scream and yell, but one voice stands out in crowd. "Chrissy, run!" His voice is floating closer and closer to me, and finally I see his face. He has the face of an angel.   I snap out of my hypnotic trance and realize that I am trapped; it's too late to run.  My angel comes closer and almost grabs my hand.  Then all goes black.

And I wake up.  I hate waking up to more and more questions than I had the day before.  Oh well, the show must go on, I guess.  I crawl out of my little lean-to I built for myself in the rundown city park that has been my home for the past year of my life.  I must say, I am quite happy with where I wound up after my past I don't remember.  I love Staten Island!  On the other hand, I really hate Tottenville High School.  Seriously, nothing in the world is worse than the lunches they serve in the cafeteria, and that's saying something considering my messed-up life.  Anyway, I begin my daily routine.  I wash my face, brush my teeth, run a comb through my curly hair, and put my duck taped glasses on over my electric blue eyes.  I find my ripped converse sneakers and throw them on, carelessly tying the knotted laces.  I grab my school books.  I consider changing my clothes.  Who knows how filthy they are?  I rummage around the box where I keep my few belongings and choose my favorite jeans and a blue T-shirt.  They aren't the nicest pieces of clothing in the world, but I'm not about to complain that I can't afford more.  At least I have a job.  I work as a cashier at Bagel Boy.  They must have been pretty desperate because it's not like I have an impressive résumé, being a teenage amnesiac and all.  Apparently they don't care, so I took the job and I work all the shifts I possibly can.  I'm hoping to save enough to rent the small room above Bagel Boy and buy a warmer winter coat.  The school bell rings, and I groan.  Great, this is absolutely peachy.   I'm late.  My day's already off to a terrible start.  I throw my dull, weathered coat over my shoulders and shiver as I run towards school.  Little crystals of snow begin to fall, reminding me that it's already the middle of December.  And I remember one moment too late that snow means ice.  I slip and land hard on my backside and drop my books right outside the school.  This day officially cannot get any worse.  I quickly gather my books and glance up when I hear footsteps approaching me. 

"Christina, is that you?"

A/N: this is the big update!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah...... not long but important..... as you can tell this is a year from where we last saw Christina and Matt and things have changed since then... like Christina's obvious lose of memory! how did it happen, and how were Christina and Matt separated?!?!?? more answers to come ;))) I just want to thank you all sooooooo much for getting "As Long As I Remember" to 1k!!!!!!! that is an amazing milestone that I have now passed thanks to you! :)))))

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ILYSM! seriously. I luv you guys :) **Psalm 46** -marierosa13