Things have gone down hill a lot. I was so much happier with myself and how I looked but then someone at my college said how ugly and fat I looked. It triggered me a lot so I stopped eating again. I didn't tell anyone I couldn't because if they knew I would go straight back into hospital and I don't want that to happen not now and not again. It just made me worse being stuck in hospital not being able to see Lilly or josh and my friends who have stood by me in all through all of this. I have continued to eat less, hide my food, exercising and weighing myself without people finding out.
Until one day I was at college and I fainted and everyone saw. I was confused about what had happened. My tutor took me into a classroom so I could sit down.
Tutor says "drink this water jillian it will help you feel better."
I say "no I can't drink the water."
Tutor says "why can't you?"
I say " I'm scared to okay."
Tutor says "wait here I need to ring Lilly and josh to pick you up."
I say "no please don't ring them they can't find out about this."
Tutor said "I'm sorry jillian I have to because they need to take you to the doctor to find out what's wrong with you."
I say "fine."
Not long after Lilly and josh turn up to take me to the doctors.
Tutor says "hi Lilly and josh please make sure jillian drinks some water or eats something because I'm really worried about her."
Lilly says "I will make sure she does."
I say " I'm not eating or drinking anything."
Both Lilly and josh say "remember what happened last time jillian when you stopped eating and drinking."
I say "I know but I can't."
Tutor says "jillian I understand how hard it is for you but you need to eat and drink."
I say "no you don't understand at all".
I run off to find where Lilly and josh have parked the car. I stand and wait for them to come.
I start thinking to myself fuck sake Lilly and josh are going to find out that I've not been eating or drinking.
Josh and Lilly came to the car 20 minutes later.
We all stayed quiet while we drive to the doctors we arrive at the doctors I start shaking and I couldn't stop my legs felt like jelly. I fainted again. Josh and Lilly were sat next to me when I opened my eyes I wondered what had happened.
Lilly said "you fainted again."
I say "ohh okay."
We walk into the doctors we sit and wait for my name to be shouted.
The doctor shouted "jillian"
I told josh and Lilly to say in the waiting room I need to do this alone.
They both said "okay."
Doctor says "i heard you fainted at college not long ago."
I say "yes and I fainted again when I got out of the car to come and see you."
Doctor says "jillian have you been eating and drinking?"
I say "no because someone at college called me fat and ugly and it triggered ANA to get louder then before."
Doctor says "do you think you can fight ANA on your own or not?"
I say "I don't think so not this time."
Doctor says "okay I will get Lilly and josh and I will tell them what's going to happen next."
I say "okay."
Josh and Lilly walk in the room.
Doctor says " jillian is really struggling to keep her anorexia under control I think it's best if we admit her into hospital again and see if that helps her."
Lilly says "okay I just want the best for jillian."
Josh says "okay but please inform us how she gets on."
Doctor says " I will inform you both when she gets there and it's the best for jillian."
I say " it's for the best Lilly and josh I promise and I will recover this time I promise I will be back."
I leave the doctors in an ambulance it takes me to the hospital I get a hospital band on my wrist with my name and date of birth on. I get shown to my room.
A doctor comes in not long after and says hello to me.
I say "hello my names jillian."
Doctor says "hello jillian it's nice to finally meet you."
I say "yeah."
Doctor says "is it okay if I do a few examinations."
I say "yes"
Doctor says "thank you"
The doctor does my blood pressure, my BMI, weights me, does my height.
The doctor sees how skinny I really am and says "jillian how long has it actually been since you last ate anything?"
I say " a few weeks why??"
Doctor says "if you don't eat you could die jillian, you really need to eat."
I say "I know I need to eat that's why I got admitted into hospital, I want to recover and get better."
Doctor says "I will see you again tomorrow jillian."
YOU ARE READING
The girl who struggled alone
Non-Fictionits about a girl who lost her mother to cancer and he dad to suicide. she lost everyone in her life. she struggles from an eating disorder, depression, anxiety.
