The girl who struggled alone

Part eleven

Me and Michael have now been dating for a week and it's going really well.
That's what I thought so anyway.

One day I was walking to class and I saw Michael kissing my best friend jade. Michael saw me and I ran away as my legs could take me. Michael finally stopped chasing me. I didn't realise I ran all the way home I ran to the front door and knocked on it and mum came to the door I broke down in tears. She cuddled me and told me everything would be okay but I knew it wouldn't be.
I stuttered "m-u-m I-I saw Michael kissing another girl."
Lilly says "I'm gonna kill him when I see him."
I say "Mum please don't."
Lilly says "okay I won't, why don't you have something to eat while I phone college and tell them you came home because things got to much for you."
I say "okay mum."

I went to the kitchen while mum was on the phone to my tutor.
Mum comes into the kitchen and say "Jillian your tutor wants to talk to you."
Mum hands me the phone and walks out of the kitchen.
I say "hi."
Tutor says "Jillian I heard that you went home because you couldn't handle being at college."
I say "yes I couldn't handle it. It all got to much for me."
Tutor says "do you want to tell me what happened between you and Michael I saw you running away from him."
I say "The real reason I came home was because I was walking to lesson and I saw Michael kissing another girl and he saw me and I ran off and he started chasing me and I ran all the way home and then I broke down in front of my mum."
Tutor says "is that the only reason Jillian."
I say "no it isn't."
Tutor says "how about you get Lilly to bring you back to college and I will tell your teachers that your going to be with me for the rest of the day and we can talk."
I say "okay I will ask her."

I walk over to my mum who is sat on the sofa in the living room.
I say "mum would you take me back to college so I can talk to my tutor please."
Lilly says "of course I will sweetie give me a minute."

I go back on the phone.
I say "Lilly said she will bring me I won't be long see you soon."
Tutor says "okay Jillian I will be in my usual classroom just knock on and walk in, bye."
I say "okay bye."
*End of conversation*

I got to college and started walking to where my tutors classroom was until I saw Michael walking towards me so I turned round and went to go the long way round until he grabbed my wrist I tried to get his hand of my wrist but I couldn't I tried to scream but he covered my mouth so I couldn't. He slammed me into the wall. I bit his hand and he slapped me across the face.
I got out of his grip and ran as fast I could to the classroom my tutor was in and I knocked on the door.
Tutor says "come in."
I walked in the door and my tutor saw my face she was shocked.
Tutor says "Jillian what happened to your face."
I said "I-I was on my way to your classroom when I saw Michael walking towards me so I turned around and started walking the opposite way and he caught up with me and he grabbed my wrist and I tried to get out of his grip and I was going to scream but he put his hand over my mouth and he slammed my back against the wall so I bit his hand and he slapped me across the face. I finally got out of his grip and ran here as fast as my legs could take me."
Tutor says "come with me we need to tell Lilly and josh about this."
I say "no no no please don't josh will kill him and I'm not kidding."
Tutor says "we need to tell them I will be right by your side Jillian I promise."

My my mum and dad got to college.
Lilly and josh see my face and they come rushing over to me. Lilly says "what's happened to your face Jillian?"
I say "Michael hit me mum."
Josh says "I'm gonna kill him where is he."
I burst into tears and run out of college. My tutor chases me and catches up with me.
I say "I can't handle telling them."
Tutor says "do you want me to tell them for you?"
I say "if you don't mind."
Tutor says "stay here and I'll go and talk to them."
I say "okay but don't expect me to be alive when you get back."
Tutor says "Jillian what do you mean?"
I say "it's time for me to end it all maybe that way everyone will be happier."
Tutor says "no one would be happy everyone would be hurt and sad because they have lost you Jillian. I would cry because you make my job worth while."
I say "only you, josh and lily are the only reason I'm still here but I can't carry on anymore."
Tutor says "I'll be back in 5 minutes please don't do anything to hurt yourself while I'm gone."

My tutor goes back inside college and I'm sat outside in the rain with the pills in my hand I take a handful of pills and put them in my mouth and I swallow every poll I had in my mouth and the rest of the pills what where in the packet. I think to myself I'm going to die now after all this time. I'm going to be free from all the pain, hurt and sadness.
I know I'm going to hurt a lot of people by doing this but I have no other choice left I'm too broken to be fixed and I wish everyone would see that but they think I can be fixed when I can't be. No one understands what it's like to fight a battle everyday of your life and you know deep down you'll never win but you still try your best for your friends and family but you know deep down that it'll all be over soon. I hope it'll be over because I can't keep doing this everyday of my life. Hopefully it works this time. I'm done fighting, trying, talking, eating, breathing and living.