Finding My Dad

7) breaking point

I woke up in a weird mood. I wasn't happy, I wasn't angry. I was just- eh.

I laid in the bed quietly just thinking about life. I got what I wanted, but it didn't feel, right.

I'm grateful I'm with my awesome dad and away from the life of hate, abuse and horror, I love my 'new life' but something isn't right. I have a weird feeling and it's creeping me out.

I love my dad so much. He's everything I ever wanted. I finally feel loved and appreciated, I'm loved for who I am, I am treated like a kid should be treated, if not better. Apart of me wants to almost relive the childhood I never had, and the other wants to stay in the moment.

Zayn or dad or whatever I should call him, treats me as if I'm his only love. For only being in his twenties, he's doing great as a parent. I think he senses I want the affection and attention of a child so he gives it to me. I don't act like a normal, snotty, independent, hormonal teenagers, I don't want to be a teenager yet, I don't want to be in the stage where hugs and kisses and cuddling and love in general from parents is annoying. I like it. it's something I've missed out on for years and years and to finally get it now, it's wonderful.

Even though I'm 13 years old, I have the maturity level of a 25 year old, the body of a 10 year old, and the wants of a 8 year old. strange right?

Alas I got out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. He's in there making breakfast. it smells like bacon and syrup.

"Hi dad" I say.

"Good morning sweetie. there's a plate of breakfast for you on the counter."

"No thanks" I said.

"Gia, I'm not playing that game today. You have to eat."

"Daddy, please." I said.

"Gia, why won't you eat? I know you're somewhat hungry. can you tell me why? " he said

"Because I'm just not hungry."

"That's a lie." he said.

"I just don't want to eat. I don't feel like it"

"But why?"

"I don't exactly know" I said.


"Are you upset? sad?"

"I don't know." I don't know. I guess it's because I'm depressed and just don't feel like it. I literally don't feel like eating. I don't want to eat.

"Well what's bothering you? I haven't known you long, but I can tell when something isn't right. you're a lot like me."

I just stayed silent. he did figure me out. Well, I am like him. I look like him, and I think I get most of my personality and traits from him.

"Gia?"

"Hm?"

"What's bothering you?"

I looked at him, closed my lips and eyes and just shook my head trying to fight the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Is it your mother?" he asked.

"I don't know" crack

he got me. it is my mom. He guessed it.


ZAYNS POV

Gotcha. Her face said it all. as soon as I said 'mother' her face fell and she just stared at me. her eyes are brimmed with tears and she just looks so lost. So vulnerable. She looked like she was about to give up.

"Come here baby" I said while holding out my arms.

Gianna never got love. She never got respect. Her mom never loved her, her mom never will love her. It was an act, her mother acted like she loved her when she didnt. she didn't want Gianna to meet me. I have no idea why Gianna wasn't supposed to ever meet me or talk to me. her mother is crazy. to think I actually dated her.

Gianna slowly and defeatedly walked towards me. I picked up my daughter and hugged the life out of her. it breaks my heart that she has never been loved. it crushes me that I wasn't there, I didn't try hard enough.

She was bawling in my arms. I let her cry. I didn't tell her it was ok and that she's fine. because honestly, she's not fine and it's not ok.

All I did was hold her as close as I could and rub her hair and back.

We stood in the kitchen, me holding Gianna, her arms around my shoulders, her head resting on my shoulder.

Gianna is so broken. She needs love. she needs me to step up and be the father she never had. hell, the mother she never had too. poor kid has had a hell of a life and I'm going to be the one to change it.

I kissed the side of her face and rubbed her back. My daughter. I am finally with my daughter. Gianna Malik.

I didn't care we were standing in the kitchen hugging each other and holding on to each other. I didn't care at all. she wants love and affection. she wants to be a kid. she wants a happy family, a happy life.

I couldn't help but think of when the boys meet her. Harry will be all over her. not flirting or anything, but he will be very over protective of her. I can see the two of them becoming very close.

After 20 minutes of standing there comforting my daughter, I walked to the couch.

"Baby, it may be bad now. but eventually, it'll be ok. Just one more time. you only have to see her one last time until you're mine. all mine. just me and you."

"I just really love you. I never want to be away from you. I love you so much daddy." she cried. She was just upset about her mom and court and sorting everything out, now she's crying because she loves me?

"I love you Gia." I said while cuddling her. "Gia, I love you more than life, you're beautiful, smart, and caring. I will never stop loving you." I kissed her forehead and cheeks over and over again. "you're my daughter. my baby. my little girl. I'm your dad and I'm not leaving." I hugged her and while I was doing so, she kissed me on the cheek.

I pulled away and cupped her face in my hands. I used my thumbs to wipe away her tears. she looked me straight in the eye and I knew that this was her last chance, her last chance to trust, last chance to love, last chance for a family.

I hugged her again and this time when I had my hands stroking her hair she whispered. "Please don't leave me daddy. please please please don't leave me"

"I will never leave you Gianna. I promise. I love you too much."

She coughed and sobbed a little bit longer before completely stopping. she was fisting my shirt and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I let her lay on me for a while. I knew she wasn't sleeping, I think she was just figuring everything out. she was calming her self down.

I looked down at my beautiful daughter resting on my chest and realize what I've been missing. I feel so bad i didn't try harder to see her. I knew what was going on. I knew her mother wouldn't love her as much as I would. I knew what I was about to put her through when I finally agreed to give up.

I hugged her even tighter and hoped to never lose her, I want to be by her side every second of everyday.


GIANNA'S POV

I just wanted my dad. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be cuddled and kissed. my dad will do that. my mother didn't. my dad picked me up and held me close. I laid on his shoulder and had my legs wrapped around his waist. I just love him.

After laying on him for a while I wanted to get up. as I lifted my head up he looked at me and smiled. a smile that could make most girls my age faint. I was about to move my body off of him, but he gently pushed me down.

"Just stay still sweetie"

"Daddy, I wan-" he cut me off

"Shh baby, you need to calm down. lets just cuddle."

I listened and laid there on my dad. he hugged me and I hugged him back.

I didn't fall asleep but I was just a little tired. Not exhausted or anything, just chill. I guess.


After an hour of us laying on the couch doing nothing but hugging and an occasional kiss, I asked "when do we have to do court?"

"I'm not sure, I want to do it as soon as possible though" he said. I just nodded and cuddled against his chest. "hey Gia?" he asked

"Yesh?"

"You want to eat?" He asked.

"No" I sighed.

"Look Giana, I know you don't want to, but can you please eat something? anything, I don't care what it is, just please eat"

"I'm sorry, I just cant. I don't want to eat, I need to not eat"

"And why is that?" He asked

"Because- I, I'm uh,..." I didn't know what to say, it slipped out of my mouth. fuck.

"Lets got off the couch and get something to eat" he suggested.

"Daddy" I tried

"Babe, I love you, but I have to make sure you eat."

"I know, I'm sorry." I say.

He walked us into the kitchen and sets me on a stool. "what do you want?" he asked.

"Nothing" I whispered.

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." he said.

I didn't say anything, I just kind of sat there praying and hoping that he wouldn't make me eat.

"Gianna, please. please eat something, if you don't, I'll have to feed it to you. do you really want your dad to feed you? you're 13 years old, not 3."

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just really hard." I whispered. tears threatened to spill over. I cry a lot now but it's ok. for 13 years I've had to keep strong, I couldn't cry in front of my mom or her prick of a boy friend, they'd laugh or make fun of me. my dad though, he actually cares for me. He is my family and family doesn't judge each other. he does love me, and he won't stop because I cry.

"Hey dad?" I asked sniffling.

"Yes?"

"Can you hold me?" I asked. you know how I said I have the wants of an 8 year old? well, this is the perfect example. I want someone to hold me and rock me and tell me everything is going to be ok.

He nodded his head and picked me up off the stool. I wrapped my legs around his waist and flung my arms around his neck. He carried me to a chair in the kitchen.

I sobbed into him and he gently rocked us back and fourth.

"I'm sorry" I cried.

"For what?"

"Everything. I'm so hard to deal with and I'm just sorry."

"No sweetheart, you're not hard to deal with, not at all. if I didn't want you with me I wouldn't have tried to find you, I wouldn't have come to get you from Jess's."

I didn't do anything except cry.

"You're the perfect dad" I whispered.

I could literally feel his smile.

"Hey babe?"

I looked up at him to see him looking down at me, a worried expression on his face

"Can you take one bite of this?" he said gesturing to the plate in front of us. it had 2 pancakes, bacon and some fruit.

I shook my head no as a tear rolled down my cheek.

He sighed and cut the pancake up into pieces.

"I'm serious G, if you don't eat I will force you to"

I didn't do anything. there's no way he'll force food down my throat, he can't.

He sighed and got a piece of pancake on the fork. "open your mouth G" I shook my head no and closed my mouth, curling my lips in.

I tried to jump off of his lap and run somewhere but his free arm got me. he held me down so I was still in his lap. I was squirming and fighting to get out of his grip. He tried to hold my head still but it didn't work. "Gia" he warned me. I looked up an pleaded with my eyes for him not to make me eat.

He put the fork down and took out his phone. he had one arm around my waist making sure I couldn't go anywhere and the other was texting someone.

I didn't dare open my mouth. just in case. but who would he be texting right now?

He put his phone down on the table and wrapped his other arm around my waist.

"Gia, you going to eat?"

I shook my head no.

"Fine" he said. he hugged me while I was on his lap and kissed my temple.

Why was he being all cuddly and snuggling with me? I don't get it. but I'm not opening my mouth at all.

We sat like that for 10 minutes until the door opened.

"Where is she?!" I heard a voice yell with excitement.

"In here" my dad called.

Harry came in. I only know his name because of when I was researching the band.

"Aww Zayn! she's so cute!"

"I know, now can you help me?"

With those cruel words I vigorously shook my head no.

"Zayn, I can't make her eat, she's too cute" Harry said while smiling at me.

"Oh come on Hazz, you want her to get sick or die?"

He walked over to where we were and tried to get me to talk, I wasn't stupid, I knew how that worked.

"Last chance G, you're sure you don't want to eat?"

I ignored him while trying to think of ways to get out of this.

He stood up with me still wrapped up in his arms. Harry sat down and grabbed me putting me on his lap. Zayn was now in front of me. he grabbed the fork and put it near my mouth, I shook my head trying to get it away from the disgusting food.

The door opened again and this time Liam walked in. he wandered in to the kitchen and knew what was happening.

"Zayn! you can't force her to eat! she's so little and precious." he said with sympathy.

"Liam, do you want her to die of starvation? she's 13 and 3 grown men have to feed her forcefully." Dad said.

"Aw. Gia, I'm sorry, but we have to" Liam said

Liam came over and put his hands on my head, he kept me from moving while my dad tried to shove the pancake in my mouth.

The fork was a centimeter away from my mouth. I tried to squirm and jerk my head but Harry and Liam had really strong grips. once I realized I wasn't going anywhere I kind of gave up. I slouched and looked at the ground. Zayn tilted my head up and I reluctantly and defeatedly opened my mouth very slowly with my eyes closed. "That's it baby." my dad said while putting the fork in my mouth. I slowly chewed the pancake while tears found their way out of my eyes yet again. Liam let go and stroked my hair and kissed my temple a couple times. that whole process repeated itself for 15 minutes until they decided I was done.

I can't believe he just fed me like a baby.

my dad took the plate to the sink and Harry didn't let me go, he just snuggled close and said "it's you"

"You all knew about me?" I questioned.

"Well, Harry is your god father, my girlfriend, Danielle, is your god mother, so yeah we've known sense you were born, we've all seen you only once, but now we can see you whenever we want." Liam said.

"Oh" I said while leaning into Harry

"I missed ya kid" he whispered.

"I guess I missed you too?" I said while laughing. Harry and Liam both laughed.

"Zayn, Gia needs to take turns. it's not fair you get to see her all the time, whenever you want." Harry said.

"Harry. she's my daughter. I kind of have to see her every day." he laughed

"I still want a turn" Harry said.

"You can have your turn after I have full custody."

"Wait, you haven't- What?" Liam said.

"Come in the living room" he said

Harry stood up and put me down, we all walked in to the living room and sat down on the couch, I sat next to my dad well aware I may or may not cry during this little discussion. he wrapped an arm around me and I leaned into him.

"So Gia was living with Kayla and her new jack ass of a boy friend, alex. somehow Gia got my name and number and called me, we met after school a lot and I took her out for ice cream and sometimes shopping, but one day Kayla caught us. Um, that night... Uh-"

"It's ok, you can tell them" I said

"That night, when Alex found out, he wasn't happy, um, let's just say he was abusive and when he was angry it showed. so the neighbor had heard everything and Gianna spent the night there. the next morning I picked her up and here we are." he finished.

"Zayn, you have to go to court as soon as you can." Liam said

"I know" he sighed. I hugged him and he returned the gesture.

"I don't want to go to court" I whispered.

"Why's that princess?" Harry said.

"I don't want to see my mom. I'm scared of her. what if she wins? what if I'm forced to go live with her? what if I'll never see any of you again? I love Zayn, he's the best dad ever, I love you and Liam. I don't care if I've only known you for an hour, you all are apart of me. I can't go back to living with my mom, I just can't"

"Aw sweetie" Liam started. "we won't let that happen. I promise." he walked over and put me on his hip. he walked to the couch and sat down. I was curled up in his lap and he started to talk again.

"If your mom and step dad are that bad, and they've done awful things to you, there's no way you'll be allowed to live with them. it'll all work out, you'll be able to live with your dad."

Liam's words had a huge impact on me. he was right, he was absolutely right, they can't send me back if they hit me.

"I'm sorry, but I've got to go. I'll see you later, don't be so sad Gia." Liam winked while getting up.

"By mate, thanks for coming over and helping us" my dad said.

"No problem, I'm glad I got to see Gia after all this time." he kissed my forehead and walked towards the door.


"What time is it?" I asked after he left.

"About 1pm why?" Dad answered.

"I'm just really tired and don't feel good." I said.

"I'll put her to bed" Harry offered. he came over and scooped me up. Harry carried me into my room and pulled the covers back. he gently set me in and pulled the blankets back up. He kissed my forehead and said "I'm sorry everything is happening all at once, it'll get better. I love ya G, please eat for me" I nodded and he gave me one last kiss and left the room.


ZAYN'S POV

after Harry tucked Gianna in, he came to where I was, the living room.

"I'm worried mate" I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because what if something doesn't go right, I can't let Gia live with them again. I need her here."

"Don't worry about it man, they abused her, there no way she'll be sent back there. can you tell me exactly what happened now that she's in bed?"

"Yeah, when Kayla found out that G met me, she told Alex. Alex and Kayla were always telling Gia that I was a drunk, no good for her and Alex was a wonderful father, apparently Gia was forced to call him 'dad'. so when he found out she was with me, he got so angry he picked her up, threw her on the couch and beat her everywhere, like she was a punching bag. when Gia described it, she said 'wherever he saw a body part, he'd hit' Alex smacked and punched the daylights out of her. her neighbor heard all of this and took her to her house."

"Wow, I never knew Alex was that much of a douche. Poor Gia, I couldn't even imagine." Harry said.

"I know, I'm surprised how fast she warmed up to all of us." I said.

He agreed and suggested we watch tv.




We watched tv and talked about random stuff for about 2 hours then we heard Gia yelling.

Harry's head snapped up and I said "I think she's having a nightmare"

"I'll get her" Harry said. he walked into her room to calm her down.

No, I'm not jealous. she's my daughter, I can see her whenever I want, I will see her way more then Harry, so I don't mind him comforting her when he's here.

I heard her yelling and screaming and then Harry went in and it didn't really stop. 5 minutes later Harry came out

"I think this one calls for you, daddy Zayn" he smiled. I nodded and went into her room. Harry stayed in the living room.

I opened the door to see her kicking and screaming on her bed. I rushed over to her.

"Gia, honey, it's ok, daddy's here. daddy's here baby"

She didn't stop. I think she is half awake and half asleep. I tried to pick her up but she wouldn't stop moving and squirming. I stroked her arms and whispered "Gianna, sweetie, it's ok, stop crying sweetheart. I'm here"
She calmed down some and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Honey open your eyes." I said.

She shook her head no. I peeled back the blanket and got in bed, I lifted her up on my lap and held her close.
"Gia, daddy's got you, you're with me, I've got you, I'm not going anywhere."

She opened her eyes and tears fell, she fisted my shirt and tried to burry her self in me.

"Daddy!" she cried.

"Baby, please don't cry, there's nothing to cry about, your dad is here, I've got you. it's over, your dream is over."

"I thought I was back home, and I had a dream and my mom and Alex were so bad, and I got so scared and I really missed you and I thought Harry hated me and I thought you weren't going to be there to save me" she mumbled and cried.

"Do you want Harry to be here too?" I aksed.

"No. I just want my daddy."

"Ok. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, calm down, ok?"

"Ok" she sniffed.

"Now give me cuddles" I said.

She got as close as she could and hugged me, I hugged her back kissing the top of her head, Gianna loved to cuddle, she loved the affection.

"Give me kiss" I said. she looked up and her little lips kissed mine.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Nothing, I just really love my daddy." she said.

"I really love my baby girl." I said.

Now I know how to calm her down. this poor kid. she's 13 and still wants her 'daddy' don't get me wrong, I love how she's so grateful and how she actually wants me, but most 13 year olds want nothing to do with their families. I'm so happy Gia hasn't reached that point, if she did, I would have no chance of being the dad I want to be.