Finding My Dad

17) panic

Telling Gianna that I would not pick her up is probably the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. I didn't know shaking my head no would have such an impact.

Her face went from shocked

To confused

To angry

Then to pure horror.

Yes horror, she jumped on me. landed on the side of my body. her sobs were enough to send me over the edge, not counting the heart breaking words that followed.

Too shocked to move, I did pick her up off of my side so her chest was against mine.

"Don't leave! daddy please don't leave! don't leave me here. I need you daddy I need you so much. I can't go back with my mom. I can't go back. I'm so sorry!" her voice was hoarse and anyone could tell she was having a major panic attack.

Without thought I took my shaking baby girl inside and ran her upstairs with the boys hot on my heals.

Opening the door took a while, but I managed. I burst through and into the apartment and paced with Gianna on me. I walked back and forth while trying to comfort her, it wasn't working. The guys didn't really know what to do so Harry and Niall started to whisper to Gianna and rub her back, telling her it was alright. Liam and Louis were around Liam's phone, doing god knows what.

After several minutes of Gianna's agonizing cries and screams I said "would you get off the phone and help?! I don't know what to do!" I yelled, stressed out.

"Ok, ok." Liam said.

"I looked up what to do, Niall and louis, go get her some water. Harry, keep your distance. Zayn, set her down." Liam ordered. I did as he asked and peeled her off of me. she was making grabby hands and trying to get back into my arms.

"Zayn, talk to her, tell her to calm down, get her breathing normal. tell her she is ok. Harry, gently rub her arms like I am."

We all frantically did our jobs without question. Niall came in with the glass of water. "set it down and keep your distance, don't get too close." Liam said.

I looked at my poor girl and instantly felt a pang of worry, sorrow and realization. I realized I am her world, just like she is mine. she needs me, without me, she doesn't have anything. and right now, she needs to know I am here.

"Gianna, baby, daddy is right here. okay? I am right here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. sweetheart I love you just as much as you love me. I need you to calm down. you need to breathe." she was sobbing and shaking, so to her, she could see my mouth move, but not hear the words that came out.

I gently hugged her while harry and Liam tried rubbing her arms. nothing.

"Get her in her room, is there anything she has that will calm her down? a blanket? stuffed animal?" Liam asked.

We took her in her room and i put her on the bed in Liam's arms. he cooed to her while I walked to her dresser.

I picked up the silver necklace that she took from her mom when she got her stuff. she didn't think I knew what she did, but I saw her run in her moms bathroom and grab it.

The necklace was a locket in the shape of a heart, I gave it to Kayla when we were 15. I don't know how Gia knew what or where it was, but I catch her looking at it all the time. it reminds her that I used to love Kayla, it is a sense of security to Gianna. It shows her parents were once together, and happy.

I rushed to her and showed her the locket. she took it with shaky hands and uneven breaths. Liam was comforting her by rubbing her arms. She took the chain and admired it. She clutched it close to her chest and I sat down next to her. I stroked her arms, like Liam suggested, and her breathing slowly got back to normal.

Her tears dried and she cuddled up to Liam. I don't even know what just happened.

GIANNA'S POV

Liam. uncle Li Li. my dads best friend.

That's all I can think right now. I am with Liam. Liam loves me. he loves me. I am with Liam.

I hugged him close and closed my eyes as he engulfed my body. I felt his arms around my small figure, I could smell his cologne. I felt safe. I got a warm feeling and I knew I was being taken care of. I craved someone's comforting touch. I squeezed the necklace in my hand just to make sure it was there.

"Baby girl, look at me" I looked up at Liam who was rocking me. He started talking but I didn't hear him, just saw his face moving every time he said a word. when he was done, he hugged me and then kissed my temple.

I was then being lifted up from Liam. I looked around, panicked. my dad saw the worry on m face and immediately said "shh. Don't worry sweetheart, I'm going to hold you." I relaxed at the simple but effective statement. I latched onto dad and put my head in his neck. "there's my girl." he cooed. I snuggled up to him while he talked. "I want you to go to sleep, ok? go to bed princess." I shook my head. "no daddy, it's early. I'm not tired and I'm not wearing pajamas"

"I know baby, but you had a long day, and you are wearing pajamas. I will hold you, I will be with you the whole time. I promise." he said. I looked down and realized I was wearing a onesie. maybe I am wearing pajamas.

He walked us over to the couch and sat down. He repositioned my sleepy body over his and then started talking to the guys. what was said, I have no idea. I felt the couch dip and then I heard Nialls voice. "Gianna?" I looked up and he said "do you have to go potty?" I shook my head no. "I'm not a baby" I mumbled. Zayn heard and whispered. "I know you're not angel, he was just checking so you don't have an accident again." my face reddened at that. I hid in Zayn's neck and he kissed the side of my face.

I don't want to talk about anything. I feel bad they have to deal with me. I feel bad I have so many problems. I don't even know why they put up with me.

I'm sick of living in fear. I want to truly live. I used to see Instagram pictures of girls at my school at parties, the cinema, roller skating, and bonfires. I want that. I want to have fun. I want to have fun with friends. yeah, I love the boys, but I want my own friends. I don't think I can though because of the boys fame. yes, their fame, I'm famous too, but it's not because I did anything. it is their fame, I just happen to be Zayn's daughter.

I feel my eyes getting heavier by the minute and Zayn rubbing my back isn't helping.

Sleep

Yeah, that's what I need

Sleep

No nightmares

Sleep