Love, The Hardest Way (Ville Valo & Emerson Burton Fan Fic.)

Chapter 9

I laid beside her on the bed holding her as i rubbed her huge belly.

- Janne do you think the baby will be okay?.- Raven asked snuggling closer to me.

- Of course, i'll be with you every step of the way and i'll make sure you guys have everything you need and more. Everything will be fine Raven don't worry.- I smiled at her and kissed her soft red lips but we were interrupted by Ville knocking on the door.

*** Ville's P.O.V ***

I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee waiting outside the room is way too stressful especially when Burton is just pacing back and forth like crazy. I didn't mean for Raven to get upset, i had no idea that it would cause all of this trouble. I just hope she and the baby are okay. This is all my fault, if i ha stayed with Raven her and the baby's health would be okay, i just couldn't shake away what Sandra said, what if that baby isn't mine?

 I saw the doctor leave and decided to go back upstairs and check on Raven. I knocked on the door and i saw them cuddleling on the bed, she looked so happy.

- How do you feel darling?.-  I asked stepping closer. I felt my face grow hot with anger when i saw them together.

- Hey Ville, I feel better. The doctor said that i would need bed rest for a little while but we'll be ok.- She said sitting up and rubbing her belly. 

- Raven, we need to talk.- 

- Could it wait 'till tomorrow Ville??, the doctor said she needs to rest.- Burton said sounding a little upset.

- I wasn't talking to you asshole, i was talking to MY wife.-

-Ville please don't start a fight, let's just go to bed and we'll talk tomorrow.- Said Raven sitting up.

- Fine, i'll let you rest. Can i at least stay here?.-

- This is still your house Ville, you ca stay if you want.- Raven said giving me a little smile.

I walked over to her and gave her a hug and said goodnight. it felt weird to do it, like she  wasn't mine anymore. I went into one of the guest rooms and decided to take a shower, I really some quiet time and review what had happened these last few days.

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(A FEW DAYS EARLIER)

- Sandra i need to talk to you about something important.-

- What do you want tp talk about babe.-

- About us, I really like you and we've been through some tough spots together so i was thinking maybe we could take the next step.- 

- I'd really like that Ville but you're still married to that slut.-

- Just because Raven's pregnant doesn't give you the right to call her a slut!.-

- Ville i love you but i'm not gonna stick around much longer if i can't have you all to myself.-

-That's what i wanted to talk to you about, i decided to talk to Raven and as her a divorce, i can't keep going like this, besides she has Janne to keep her company.-  It really hurt me to say that but i don't know what i'd do with a baby, i think kids are great i just don't see myself being a good father.

Things between me and Sandra are good but we fight all the time, i really like being with her but she behaves like a child sometimes, she's all about partying and drinking and frankly i think i'm a bit too old to go club hoping almost every night, So i decided to stay in our hotel room tonight and maybe work on some songs for the next album.

After a few hours of humming and struming my guitar i got a bit hungry and left the room to try and find something to eat. I left the hotel and walked a few blocks and i found a little coffee shop, i went up to the counter and ordered a cup of coffee.

- Would you like anything else sir? I can recomend the blackberry pie, made with fresh blackberries picked today.- The little woman behind the counter smiled at me.

Blackberries.

Raven's favorite.

- Sure,  thank you.-

I paid the woman and took the piece of pie and my coffee and i sat in the terrace lighting  up a cig. I ate the slice of pie slowly and with each bittersweet bite a memory flashed into my mind reminding me how much i missed Raven. I missed the way she looked in the morning right after she woke up, the way she would look after me when i wasn't on tour, i missed everything about her, i needed to see her and be with her. I realized i made a mistake being with Sandra, she didn't have anything i was looking for: Someone to come home to, someone to talk to and listen to, someone who'd be there, i already had that with Raven, even if the baby she was going to have wasn't mine i'd still be at her side, although i really hope that is my son or daughter.

I walked back to the hotel and after a few blocks i saw it when i reached the entrance i saw Sandra, completely wasted, get out of a cab laughing with a couple of her friends and some guys i've never seen before, they were all drunk.

- Well look who decided to come out of his came.-  Sandra said giggling. Her "friends" laughing in the background like if they were in some high school clique. Why am i with her again?

- Come on, It's time for bed Sandra.- I said grabbing her arm to help her walk up to the elevator.

- You can't tell me what to do Ville you're not my dad.- She slurred in between laughs. Ugh.

- Well doing whatever you want isn't exactly working for you at this moment so let's go.-  

We finally get to the elevator and get up to our room. I open the door and lay her on the bed and she's completely passed out so i take of her shoes and place a blanket over her. Why did she get so drunk? She could barely stand up, i'll never understand that about her.

The next morning i wake up and Sandra is gone. I tried calling her but she's not answering. Is she mad at me? i don't understand. I got ready for the day and called Mige to hang out.

- So what are you  gonna do?-  Mige said taking a bite from his burger.

- I'm going back. I'm tired of this life, the partying, the drinking 'till you pass out; i'm over it.-

- how will you manage that?,  remember that Raven pretty much kicked you out.-

- Not sure but i'll do whatever i have to.-

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I got out of the shower and got ready for bed although i didn't feel sleepy at all, i was just gonna be tossing and turning until sleep finally defeated my eyes, in the mean time i just laid there on the bed humming tunes.

Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light

Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes

I heal my wounds with grief

And dream of you

And weep myself alive