BAP- Zelo and Himchan- 'Confusions when in L.O.V.E'

Sinking and Sailing

After a long cab ride from the hospital to the college apartments you stepped outside into the pouring rain. The pavement was flooded with water and your jeans wear soaking from the contact. The typical autumn monsoon. You turned around to face the driver, a young man who looked the same age as yourself, and gave him his well earned cash. Without saying anything he took the money and drove off leaving you stranded in the catastrophic weather. It would take at least another five minutes to walk to Destinie's dorm without shelter. It was late. It was dark. It was raining. The perfect weather for a kidnapper to grab their victim and run off. You were scared and depressed. Why couldn't they build a road here instead of me having to walk all the way to my desired destination?! You walked at a reasonable pace but then the rain became heavier forcing you to sprint to the seven storey building ahead of you. Finally you made it to the lift. You shook the water off from your old, tattered sweater which probably needed disposing of and entered the empty lift. The soothing elevator music failed to relieve any of your stress. The doors soon opened and you rushed out without hesitation.


Destinie soon unlocked the door after hearing your heavy knocking from the other side. You just stood there with no expression on your face whatsoever. You weren't crying. You weren't frowning. You were just blank. Honestly, right then you just felt relieved, relieved to be in a familiar place that provided warmth and shelter. Destinie looked confused, she obviously had no idea about the whole Natasha and her pregnancy thing. You weren't willing to talk about it just then, it would bring back your hateful emotions towards your ex, but Destinie had a way of getting you to talk to her about almost anything.


Destinie- "Are you okay?"


You looked up from the floor and gave her a does-it-look-like-I'm-okay? expression.


Destinie- "You know what you said on the phone about you not wanting Zelo to recover...?"


Silence filled the air.


Destinie- "....well....what was that about?"


Your mouth stayed shut because you knew that as soon as you would start talking about it, you would either end up crying on the floor or turn into a raging mad cow at all the events that took place today. Destinie didn't really give up though, you could tell she was desperate to know,


Destinie- "Did something happe-"


You- "Natasha's pregnant okay!!"


She was shocked. Her mind was probably thinking, 'what does that have to do with anything?' or 'I'm sure we were all expecting a slut like her to become pregnant one way or another'. She had no clue as to why you were telling her this,


Destinie- "Wait. What does that have to do with your boyfrie-"


Then she gasped. She seemed to have understood where you were coming from. Her wide eyes resembled an owl's as she looked at you.


Destinie- "I-Im so sorry...how did you find out? I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to"


You- "She just told me...that's all"


Your voice was monotoned the whole time, whereas Destinie's seemed upset, angry and worried at the same time.


Destinie- "Do you really believe her? I mean, she's had sex with so many people, it could be anyone! And plus, I doubt that your boyfriend would do something like that to you, you've been going out for what, almost a year now?"


You- "I know but I was suspicious and I caught him this morning fucking kissing her so who knows what's been happening with the both of them? And she said that she was on the pill when she slept with other people, but she wasn't with him...."


Destinie- "I honestly don't think you can trust her"


You- "She showed me her test though...and it's positive. Ever since we told people about her little affairs and stuff she's been with my boyfriend. I mean, think about it, he was the last guy to be seen around her"


As much as you'd hate to admit it, you didn't cry or feel anger or sadness. You just gave up on love altogether. It was a ship you had to sail yourself, you couldn't let yourself sink to the bottom anymore just because you've broken down, you had to try your best to keep afloat.


You didn't say anything after that and neither did Destinie. You curled up onto the air mattress on the floor, your back facing Destinie in your wet clothes. But you didn't care. Didn't care about anything anymore, your cheerful personality was soon lost, your love had soon drifted. You felt nothing. Perhaps it was the feeling of heart break? You didn't know.


You closed your eyes and you thought. Why am I even doing this? This whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing. I was better on my own, I didn't deserve to have my heart broken this many times. I'm done with this. Tomorrow is a new day. A new start for me...on my own. I can fend for myself. I'll live a better life on my own than I ever have with any guy. That's the promise that I make for myself...to never fall in love again.















I decided to add a song in my multimedia. It's not english or korean...it's russian because I am half Ukrainian and I understand russian and the song kinda suits the feelings of this chapter. You can listen to it if you like. I love the song <3 it's very sad :'(