Ice Cream | Joshler

Chapter 9

Thursday night

Josh

The voice was right. I was nothing but a loser who couldn't do anything but destroy himself.

I shook as I clung to my mom.

Fuck up

"Go away" I whispered into my moms shoulder as she rubbed my back. I picked at my hair as the voice was only getting worse.
"Honey... You are going to ruin your hair." My mom placed her hand in top of mine and slowly brought it down.

"M' s-sorry" i choked out. My throat felt tight as the lump of worry only grew in my throat.

You cant do anything right.

I gasped for air as I felt my inner demon take hold of my air ways and choked me. The anxiety was getting to me again and I started to have another anxiety attack in my moms arms. Every place my mother was touching me felt like it was on fire. Her touch was burning my skin. My body shook violently and i screamed. She let go of me and looked at me with her heavy heart. I curled into myself and hugged my arms. She looked for something, anything she could do to help me. I knew i was hurting her.

"M-momma I c-can't-" I was cut off cut my own coughing which only made me gasp for more air that i couldn't get. The room started to spin and flared between the darkness and the night.

I heard his voice echo through my head. Laughter. Insane laughter. I couldnt tell if I was awake or not. My brain made my reality just as surreal as my dreams.

I was alone in my room but the laughter only grew before it was so loud it was the only thing i could hear, the only thing i could think.

You can never get rid of me you worthless peice of shit. He laughed.
And to think you actually though some one liked you enough to stay. You're just a drumming fuck up. Why don't you do something right for once and listen when someone is talking to you. Do what i say.

I jolted up out of bed which scared both my mother and me. I stood infront of the mirror and I saw him. The same demon in my dreams. It was myself, but now with patchy hair and bloodshot eyes. I shook again and felt my moms arms around me. I winced as the small touch. I could feel her, but just barely. Her voice was muffled and I couldn't make out what she said. I was numb inside out.

.

Hours later when I had calmed down and he left me alone for a while my mom left me to go sleep and said I could wake her up. I felt bad for taking away her sleep. My heart filled with lead and i flopped down onto my bed, starting to regain emotion.

I put on music hoping he wouldn't come back for a long while. I looked at the screen of my phone: 1:12am. as it faded to black, i thought of Tyler. I went to text him but stopped.

"He's not talking to you remember, Josh?" I spoke to myself sofly and turned my music up louder.

Fuck it. I typed a simple hey and sent it. Only to be mocked.

Why would he ever repond to you?
"Go away."

Why would he even want to talk to a faggot like you? "Leave me alone,you've done enough!" I spoke louder this time and sat up looking in the mirror. I twirled my finger in a bunch of hair before getting a grip on it and ripping it out.

I stared at myself in the dark until I felt my phone vibrate. I stared at the message not believing he actually answered me.

New message!
<3 Tyler <3: hi

Wow he actually answered. Guess you haven't fucked  up...yet. He laughed again. "Shut up" I spoke through clenched teeth and looked at the message.

It was a simple hi but it felt like the world to me. Some one who had been avoiding me all day was finally talking to me. No not someone, the one. The only one outside of my mom that gave me the light of day. I smiled at my phone. It was something that felt real. I quickly messaged him back.

Me: I'm sorry for whatever I did

I sent it knowing I might not get a response.

Hes never gonna talk to you again this is out of pitty. Why don't you just off yourself now. "Leave me alone."

New message
<3 Tyler <3: Meet me outside your place in 10 minutes.

I sigh in relief as i see his message and go to run a hand through my hair only i stop as soon as a feel a bald spot. I look around my room for my hoodie and i slip in on, making sure all of my head is covered. I open my window and sneak out of it starting my walk to the shop. I pull out my phone and message Tyler.

Me: on my way now

When the shop is in my sight, i see that Tyler is already there. I pick up speed until we are standing three feet apart.

He doesn't smile like he usually does. Instead, he looks down to the ground playing with a pebble thats by his shoes. He takes in a deep breath before speaking.

"Whatever this is going on between us has to stop. I can't hang around you anymore...I-i'm sorry."

"Tyler we have literally only been actually talking to each other for four days. Why the change?" He sighed and continued to play with the pebble.

"I just... Dont feel a connection between us." My face heated up and my heart shattered.

"B-but you said all those things... Wh- did they mean nothing to you?" Tears streamed down my face and i reached up to grab my hair which was blocked by my hoodie.

"They did mean something to me, but that was before i realized who you surround yourself with and honestly it makes me very uncomfortable." I wasnt sure if the tears clouding my vision made him hard to understand or if he really said what i think he said.

"Wh-what d-do you mean?" He stepped back and took in in a deep breath before running a hand through his hair.

"Joshua...y-your dad is a r-rapist."

THANK YOU FOR OVER 100 READS

Bris <3