Ice Cream | Joshler

Chapter 10

Trigger warning

Very early Friday morning

Josh

The words echoed in my head. I felt the world spin a little. "H-he's a w-what?" I felt myself start a shake again and heard the voice laugh.

"He's a rapist josh" Tyler kept his distance from me. I felt like throwing up. The insane laughter filled my head.

Lookie hear fuck up this is new. I could feel his smirk as he spoke and I wrapped my arms around my body.

You're gonna end up like him. "No I'm not!" I yelled at him forgetting where I was. "You don't know anything about me!" I didn't care what time it was I had to yell at him. I couldn't take it anymore.

I heard him growl and felt his grip around my air ways again causing me to gasp for air. "Leave me alone!" I sputtered out. I saw Tyler and suddenly I could breath again. I shook. "T-tyler I-" his voice cut me off.

Tyler walked closer and spoke softly "hey you're okay" I flinched at his touch and backed away a bit shaking more. I couldn't handle this anymore. It was getting way to much.

I needed to get away but where would I go. I couldn't just run into Tyler's arms. He had been avoiding me and now he cares? Then I thought of why he was avoiding me and about threw up. My dad is a rapist. Did mom know? I felt the bile in my throat. My stomach acid didn't taste good and I threw up in the trash can next to me. "F-fuck."

This only caused me to shake more and caused my anxiety to rise yet again. I felt someone standing next to me and touch my back but I couldn't make out who it was from the tears in my eyes. Hoping it was Tyler I threw up again.

I felt him rubbing my back as I did and I heard the voice again.

Throwing up in front of him, good job fuck up you're doing a great job at winning him back.
"S-shut u-up." I could barely speak and my words were weak and had nothing behind them.

I sank to the ground pulling my knees to my chest trying to make myself smaller in any and every way. I hated this and Tyler must of thought I was a freak from all this.

The boy who once was a great drum player was now on the ground shaking because his dad did something shitty. This is what I hated the most. The analysis of what just happened was the thing that made this all real. I was with Tyler who just watched me throw up because he told me my dad was a rapist and he also watched as I destroyed myself. This was all perfect and this is when the anxiety hit.

I shook more and started breathing heavy. Then the laughter was back "p-please n-not a-again." My voice was broken and soft almost nothing. I felt someone who I assumed was Tyler pull me into their side as I ride out my anxiety attack and took everything the voice said to me.

Tyler spoke sofly to me and looked at me. "Josh did you pull out your hair?" His voice calmed me a little and I nodded not looking at him not wanting to see his reaction. "W-why?" I shrugged. He didn't say anything. It was amazing how fast he learned to let me speak when I wanted too.

"I d-do it when I have anxiety attacks" I spoke just above a whisper "and when he comes back" the last part I kept lower hoping he wouldn't ask about who "he" was.

"Don't pull out your hair J, other things help with anxiety" he spoke just as soft as to not scare me. I nodded and moved closer to him. I could feel him getting uncomfortable and I shifted away and looked at the cracked ohio side walks. Cigarette buds littered most of them and I was happy it wasn't this one.

I looked around and saw that the street lights were all lit tonight. Funny how in my darkest moment they deside to be the brightest things in a few miles.

"I-i'm sorry" I spoke a little louder. "I'm s-so s-s-sorry" I started sobbing again and flinched at his touch. "Josh, it's not your fault your dad raped my mom." My eyes widened and I felt the bile again. "H-he wh-what?" I stammered out. "M-my d-dad d-did what?" The bile started to come up again but I swallowed it down. I wasn't going to throw up again.

He covered his mouth. "Josh." I heard the voice.

Yes! look he's scared of you. The laughter was psychotic. I stood up. Run.
He demanded me to run. But I stayed.
"Are you scared of me?" I looked at tyler as he stood up and shook his head but he kept his distance. "T-Then why won't you come close any more?" I felt myself shake more.

"Josh-" I cut him off "I'm not like him!" I felt tears in my face. "I'm not like him at all so why are you so scared of me? Is it because I'm broken? Because I pull out my hair? What is it Tyler?" My words were sharp and I saw them cut Tyler.

He started to speak but stopped and looked away from me. "I don't know that-" I couldn't listen to this anymore and I started to run. I didn't know where I was going but I had to run. I had to get out of where I was. I had to get away from the boy I loved.

I found myself in the park and I sat on the swings. I started to pulled at my hair again pulling out large chunks.

Look at you pulling out your hair. "Go away I don't need this right now."
I looked at the park to see no one. I was glad. I didn't want to be around anyone. I needed air and I needed it now. I needed a break an escape.

Do it now then. I furrowed my brows. "Do what?"
Off yourself. For once I took an interest in what the voice said.
Did I spike an intrest?
I could hear his smirk.

I nodded and looked at the road seeing few cars driving on it at this hour. "Off myself..." I spoke the words and nodded. "Offing myself would end this pain right?"
Yes it would.
I nodded again and got up. "How?" He didn't speak for a few minutes as if he was thinking. Car crashes happen every day. I nodded and picked at my hair more while i started walking to the road where a few cars drove past me.

I started to step out with looking. I got half way onto the street when I felt someone pull me back to the sidewalk. I turned to see who it was and it was the boy who had been to scared to even touch me just moments before. "T-tyler?"