Anxiety Aspirations ||CB FanFic || Major Editing. On Hold

XI.

"Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving. 'cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving."
|| Stay- Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko ||

Desta Evans

It's crazy to think, the last time I saw my mother I was angry with her. I wasn't even able to tell her I love her for the last time. Knowing this, My whole body felt numb. I felt like I was in another universe. I thought everything in my life was going to be fine. I finally gave up my dirty habits, then a wave of depression just took over my body in that very moment.
As soon as I told Christopher what I saw, we called the police right away. Currently, a investigation is going on to find the murderer and the cause of death. I have no idea where my father is. I've called his phone multiple times and he never answered.
At this moment, I've locked myself inside of Christopher's bathroom. Tears streaming down my face as I whimper softly. I told Christopher I was going to take a shower so he wouldn't suspect anything. I care for him honestly. He's the first person I can actually say I love. I can't handle this. Mentally I'm not prepared. I'm weak. The death of my mother really broke me.

I quickly turned on the water, making sure it's at a temperature that I like.
I open up the cabinet, to see my old.. 'Friend'
It's been a long time since I've touched it. I thought that I had given it up for good. I knew that wasn't going to happen. A part of me knew I was going to go back. But also, I hoped that Christopher would be my knight in shining armor. Deprive me away from all
Of my pain, all of my demons. Take away all the pain and replace it with real happiness. But the lord knows no one is capable of doing that. Me being a weak minded person, I don't believe anything could truly make me happy. Don't get me wrong, Christopher is the best thing that ever happened to me. But my guilty pleasures will always catch up to me, until I'm dead and gone.
I looked at myself in the mirror for the last time. Red eyes, puffy face, messed up hair, and hope no longer visible in my eyes. I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that continued to fall. Words from my past began to crash through me. Reminding me of the old days.

You're weak. No one will miss you.
You're a disappointment.
No one ever loved you.

You aren't beautiful.

These things replayed in my head, I cried harder. Thinking how could this be. I looked at the blade, and grabbed it tightly. I began rolling up my sleeves. Looking harshly at my wrist.
"I'm sorry Christopher. I love you" I whisper softly. I took off my clothes. And got into the tub. I made sure the shower was still running. Hopefully when Chris finds me, he won't be too broken. Maybe he'll find a girl way prettier than me. That's actually his age. He'll be fine. No one ever misses the depressed teen.
  
I glide the blade across my wrist.
Watching the blood ooze. The pain oh too familiar. Feeling like the same girl I was a few months ago.
I took a deep breath as I cut myself again. My lip trembled as I got closer to reality. I'm actually going to die. I know I'll miss Christopher's beautiful smile. Maybe I'll be able to see my mother again. I took one more breath as I cut once more. I Laid back in the tub, the room started spinning. Everything was beginning to become blurry. 

"Desta! Why are you showering so long. Are you okay?!" I hear Chris yell. Of course I was so weak to respond. My breathing became rapid as the room became darker, and darker.
"DESTA! CAN YOU HEAR ME" he yelled louder. I can tell he was getting worried. A tear slid down my cheek as I whispered softly.
"I love you. I'm sorry" suddenly, everything went black.
--

Christopher Brown

After experiencing these things with Desta. I feel for her. This is too much for an 18 year old, I can't imagine how she's feeling right now.
I know that she has very bad anxiety. Us being together, I believe that was beginning to help her. After seeing her mother dead, I know it's going to bring her back down again.