XII.

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Everywhere that I go, Everywhere that I be
If you are not surrounding me
With your energy..
I don't wanna be there, don't wanna be anywhere .. any place that I can't feel you.. i just wanna be near you.
Yes I'm a mess but I'm blessed to be stuck with you.
// Daniel Caesar- Blessed //

Christopher Brown

They say you don't know what you've lost until it's gone. In this moment I was lost, I didn't know what to feel. Me, Christopher, standing here with blood all on my hands and shirt. The room completely silent in my head, everything moving in slow motion. I sink and drown myself in my own misery. Damn. That could have been the last time I've seen her. My job was to protect her, heal her. I failed. I was suppose to really show her I love her, that she's not alone in this world. She has people who love and care for her.. even if that person is just me. She was brought into my life for a reason. Though, I may not know what that reason is I know that she is important. I know that she gives me a feeling no one else in this world has given me in all my years of living.
"Sir.. SIR!! Can you hear me? Hello??" A older lady spoke. I was broken out of my trance.
"I'm sorry. Hello"
"Yes, did you come in with Evans. Desta Evans?"
"Yes. I'm her boyfriend"

"Well. Sir you saved her life. If she would have waited any longer she would have bled out. We took her into surgery and stitched up her wounds. Right now she is heavily medicated and is asleep but she is fine"
The lady spoke with confidence. A big weight lifted off my shoulder. I was so happy. That was one issue down, there's still the underlying problem of her mother being murder. No idea who could have done it and when it was done.

"Thank you so much. Can I go back and see her?"
"Yes you may, follow me this way room 230"
I nodded my head okay and began following the woman.
We entered the room and there she was, sound asleep. Her arm had bandages wrapped around it but other than that she looked beautiful. I could tell she was crying due to her face having those small dried up trails of tears. I felt so bad, I felt like I failed to do what I was suppose to do.

The lady left and I sat by Desta. I grabbed her hand gently and just looked at her face. I was still in awe. Despite all that happened, despite how she may look in this moment she still had that affect on me. That wow factor no one else has.
"Thank you God. Thank you."
I had to let it be said. He really came through with this one and I was so thankful.

I was about to call my mom, but I felt her move. I look at her and she opened her eyes in confusion. It made me giggle a bit, I knew she wasn't a morning person so I just pictured that look on her face when we live together.

Damn.. already thinking about her living with me. I mean where else would she go? She can't go back into that house. It's now a murder scene. Plus she would be safe with me right? This time I'll make sure nothing happens to her.

".. Chris?" She questioned.
"C'mon now baby girl you know I don't like it when you call me Chris" a small smile creeped up on her lips.
"Christopher."
"Babygirl."

She blushed. "I'm in the hospital.. aren't I?" Her smile quickly faded.
"Yes baby."

"Why didn't you let me die?" She spoke softly, not making eye contact with me. My heart sunk. Those words stung. Worst than any bee sting. I almost choked on my words.

"Babygirl I think the question is.. why would I let you die? You know that's not something I would allow"

"But my mot-"

"Desta. I know what happened to your mom is the unexplainable. It's horrible, horrid, something no one should ever have to go through but, I love you. You hurt me Desta. Seeing you there like that.. it was painful. Very painful. I wasn't going to let you go like that. You have your whole life to live for. That wasn't the answer Desta." I couldn't believe she said that. Why would she want that? Why would she not want to be with me?

"Chris, you know I'm not built for this. I am weak. I'm sorry but that's just how it is. I thought your life would be easier without me. The depressed teen who fell in love with her fucking teacher. It's pathetic. No one loves me, not even you. You know it. You know you just feel bad for me. It's been this way my whole fucking life. You don't think I'm tired Chris? You don't think I want to not be weak? Chr-"

"Stop calling me Chris" i gritted harshly.
There was a long pause. Silence filled the room. I look at Desta, tears coming down her face.

"When are you going to get it through your fucking head. I love you. I did not choose this! You think it's pathetic to fall in love with your teacher? I am a professional. I risked jail for you. Do you think that's easy? It's not fucking easy. But guess what? I don't care! I fight because I love! Fuck that job. Fuck everything because all I want is you. You run through my mind 24/7. Here I am. A GROWN ASS MAN.. thinking about you. And you have the nerve.. the nerve.. to say I don't fucking love you? Shit I may be in love with you Desta!" Now I was crying. I was frustrated by what she said.

I couldn't believe that she questioned my love for her just like that. She thought all of this was a game to me. Everything is so real. Everything I feel. It's like she aspires to be happy. She aspires to have anxiety and depression. It's like no matter what, she wants it to come to her. She wants it to effect her life and eat at her.
The crazy thing about it all.. that still will not stop me from loving her. I'm stuck with her, and that's one of the things I will never regret.

———

Well.. Did you miss me?
Leave some comments :) how this story making you feel boo? What's the thoughts on some of these characters?
XOXO
#Nizzy#

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