Blinded Love Boyxboy

Part 6: Why?

//song Of The Day: Lady Antebellum-Just A Kiss//

((Some triggering: Bulimia and/or Depression))

Why was Eli here?

Why was he in my bed?

How did he get into my house?

What did I do?

Confusion and curiosity taking over my body as my mind filled with questions as to why Eli Beckett would be in my house, on my bed, with me. I felt a weight in my body as I tried to move. I looked around and saw one of Eli's arms wrapped around my torso while the other was under my head, supporting me.

My right arm was to my side while my left was on my chest casually touching and stroking His hand that was on my torso.

Eli's weight shifted and he moved his head even closer to the crook of my neck. I could feel his sweet, soft breaths on my neck, sending shivers up my spine and a tingly feeling running through my body

It felt actually felt really nice, being in someone's arms. Being cuddled onto. Being watched over. Feeling safe. Felling loved. My brother never loved me, he couldn't stand the sight of me, let alone the fact that we were brothers. He did everything in his power and will to make me feel miserable. From beating me up to convincing my mother to kick me out because of my sexuality. He outed me to my mom, telling her I'm a faggot and that I shouldn't be living in their house cause could infect them and turn them gay. And somehow she agreed and kicked me out at 17. I'm not even gay. I'm pansexual, there's a huge difference. But that incident just proved to me that no matter if they were my blood or my lover, I would never be loved. Because no one would love a burden. No one would love a bulimic kid. No one would love an emo. No one would ever love me, Matthew Alexander Samuels. That's just a knows fact.

I'm yanked out of my corrupting thoughts by a movement on my side. I turn to see Eli stirring awake and his eyes fluttering slightly. He's so cute, but he can never be mine.
Why am I thinking like this?
Eli hated me, he wouldn't even talk to me for a month?
He never came over or talked to me again after the kiss. So why is he suddenly here now?

"Matt?" I heard the raspy (buy sexy) voice of the boy laying next to me in my ear, as he was still laying, surprisingly comfortably, in the crook of my neck.
"Matt are you here?" I heard again. I didn't know how to respond. It was like I didn't know how to talk to him anymore. Like I had no voice. I felt the hand on my chest move up and touch my face. I smiled. I guess he knew ideas there by my cheeks moving up, but I responded anyways.

"I'm here, Eli" his grip tightened around me. His head still buried in my neck, but slightly lowering down to my chest.

"Thank god you are. I was scared when you fainted. I picked you up and told my phone your address so it could lead me there. When I came I had no idea where we were or if this was your room or not." He said with a chuckle, and it was adorable. I giggled out a snort that made me laugh so hard. But soon the laughter and joy died down. And we laid in silence, still in the same position as we were.

"Your mum didn't come all night, neither did your dad..."

I frowned. I forgot that he didn't know about my past. He didn't know about my parents. About James. He doesn't know I was kicked out of my home. He doesn't know much about me, and yet I
liked...like him. He doesn't know I'm pan. I don't even know if he likes boys or not. Even if he did he wouldn't like me. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm useless and abandoned. I'm just a piece of trash you step on when your walking on the pavement. I'm a nobody. A nothing in this civilization, in this world. And people know that. I know that. I'm nothing in this big world. I'm a nothing to everybody. And a something to nobody. That's all that I am, that's all that I will be.