infidel (joshler)

Chapter 2

Tyler thought he must've been wrong. Josh couldn't be dead. He'd been sitting across from him, staring with his sad eyes since Tyler had been shoved into his cell.

"Why don't you say anything Josh?" Silence. All Josh ever did was sit there in silence.

"I'm glad you aren't dead. I thought you were seriously dead. But, it wasn't me, you know. I can promise you that it wasn't me. You know who. He did it." Tyler clenched his eyes shut and the image of the knife in Josh's chest surfaced. The feeling of warm blood surrounding his fingers. The satisfaction he had felt. The horror he had felt. He had watched it, as if through foggy old windows, as the happiness slowly disappeared from Josh's eyes. His eyes snapped open. Josh was in his cell, standing at the door and still staring. Tyler looked up at him, his hands wrapped around each other in his lap. The orange jumpsuit was uncomfortable, and Tyler hated it. It smelled like a life sentence.

Josh sat down next to him on the hard prison bed, his arms placed on his knees. Tyler looked at the tattoos. He had sat with Josh as he had gotten them. A tight squeeze on Tyler's wrist, but that was all the weakness Josh had shown. Tyler loved that about him. He was so strong. He would push through anything that got in his way. Tyler wasn't good at that. He wished he was as strong as Josh. The only time he had ever seen Josh vulnerable was, well, when that happened.

Tyler pointed at a tattoo on Josh's shoulder.

"This one's new. I don't remember it." Josh looked uncomfortable. He moved his hand to cover it.

"Yeah. I guess." It was only three words, but it was the first time Tyler had heard his voice since. He put his head on Josh's shoulder.

"I missed your voice."

They sat that way, staring at the grey wall, for a very long time, until Tyler could count every spot on the wall. Several hundred thoughts rushed through Tyler's mind, about how he was sorry, how he felt like someone had ripped his insides out after he had found out what happened, the look that the judge gave him when they explained that Tyler was sick in the head. The pain he had felt. The realization that Josh was-

"I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me." Tyler looked up at Josh. Josh's eyes had always been so happy. Now they seemed like they'd seen too much pain, too much darkness, to every be happy again. Tyler stared down at his feet again. He knew that he was the cause of all of that. He knew that he was the reason Josh had no hope left.

a/n: all of these hurt me to write so hopefully they hurt you a lil as well