Torn {Bucky Barnes FanFic}

Chapter 38

I woke up the next afternoon, feeling more exhausted than when I'd fallen asleep. I rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower. As I turned the water on, I glanced in the mirror. The bruises on my neck were slightly lighter than they had been, but still noticeable. I made a mental note to try and cover them before going to talk to Bucky.

I thought of what on earth I was going to say to him while standing under the water, slowly shutting my eyes and leaning forward against the shower wall slightly. Steve was right, I knew it; I needed to give him time. I knew he needed to remember things on his own with minimal help from me.

But I didn't want to give him time.

All I really, truly wanted was to have my Bucky back. I wanted to burst into the room and proclaim my love for him and tell him everything that had happened since that day we went and got bagels.

An overwhelming sense of dread settled over me as the water poured over me. For months Bucky had been the most solid, comforting thing in my life, and now God only knew if he'd ever be back to the man that had fallen in love with me.

Before I knew it, the water was running cold and I was stepping out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around myself and walked out into my room, grabbing clothes from the dresser as I went. After getting dressed I went back into the bathroom and stop in front of the mirror uneasily. I ran my fingers through my wet hair before separating it and doing two braids down the back of my head.

I pulled the collar of my jacket tighter around my neck so it covered the majority of the bruising as I left the room and walked down to the kitchen. Wanda and Clint sat at the counter eating sandwiches silently, and Steve stood in front of them staring down at a glass of water.

"Hi," I said casually, passing through to the living room and beginning to scan the shelves surrounding the television.

"Hey," Clint replied shortly.

My eyes flicked over to Steve. I rose an eyebrow and he shook his head lightly. I sighed and grabbed a few vinyl records from the shelves.

"You are using records?"

I smiled quickly at Clint while walking towards the basement. "I'm gonna try a different approach today."

"Good luck!" Wanda and Steve called in unison.

"I'll need it," I muttered, trudging down the basement steps.

I rode the elevator down, my heart pounding in my chest. When I exited, I walked over to the conference room and put the records down before walking over to the storage closet in the corner and typing in the combination on the little keypad on the doorknob. It clicked and I pushed it open. The inside smelled like dust; it held all of my dad's old stuff that I couldn't bring myself to throw away.

Right in the middle of the closet was a small, portable record player that my dad had made for my mom to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. I picked it up by the handle on its lid and backed out of the closet before kicking the door shut with my foot. As I passed the table, I picked up the records and and walked over to the infirmary, my heart pounding.

The blinds were now closed, but I could see that the lights were on. I knocked on the door softly before I could convince myself to do otherwise and stood there clutching the records.

"Come in."

I opened the door and slid into the room, closing it behind me. Bucky sat on the bed, a small notebook open in his lap. He sat up straighter when he saw me and closed it quickly.