Torn {Bucky Barnes FanFic}

Chapter 12

I was released from the clutches of the infirmary ward first thing the next morning, much to my pleasure. The headaches from hell continued, mostly at night, but I still didn't tell anyone. I assumed that it was a side affect from whatever the Hydra goon had stuck me with. Bruce assured me that there was nothing in the substance that made it suspicious. He said it appeared to be a simple 'knock out juice' used for diversions. Deep down I knew it was probably more that that, but I buried the thought far far away.

Bucky and I had taken to spending just about every night together in my room after I was released. He would sneak in after everyone else had gone to sleep, then leave either very early or after everyone was already up and about. I had gotten better at predicting when the headaches were coming, forcing me into the habit of sneaking into the bathroom so he couldn't see me withering in pain every night for a few minutes. On the rare occasion that I didn't get away in time and woke up feeling like someone was stabbing me in the temples, I disguised it as a nightmare. Tonight was one of those nights.

"Cara," Bucky whispered worriedly and put his hands on my shoulders. He sounded tired, understandable considering it was past two am. "Babe, what's wrong?"

I pressed my hands against my head and squeezed my eyes shut. "Bucky, please," I could barely speak past the pain, "just give me a second."

He rubbed the small of my back comfortingly and I breathed out loudly as the headache finally passed. I flipped back over so I was facing him and closed my eyes again. I could feel his eyes on me as I tried to fall asleep, and he drew me closer to him slowly.

"Cara," he repeated. "You know you can tell me."

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "It's not a big deal."

"And what do you say when I tell you that?"

"Buck-"

"That is exactly what you say," he cut me off. "You say 'Buck, it helps to talk about it. So I'm going to talk until you talk so that you can't fall asleep.' And then you talk forever about everything until I give in and talk about it." His lips spread into a grin and I smiled slightly.

I pressed my forehead against his and sighed. "You know, in this relationship, I do most of the talking."

"You want me to talk?"

"Yes, please." I settled into my pillow and looked at him expectantly.

"Okay then." He propped his head up on his metal arm and thought for a few moments. He hesitated, and his mood shifted. "I lie about the worst ones, sometimes."

I furrowed my eyebrows and started to talk, but he cut me off with a single glance.

"They aren't normal nightmares," he said lowly. "The things I did, what they made me do. It comes back. A lot of the time it's shit I didn't even know happened. And I never tell you what they really are."

I chewed on my lower lip lightly. "Why?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. I guess I didn't want you to wake up in the middle of the night and think you'd spent all this time with a psychopath murderer." He avoided looking at me, and I struggled to find something to say.

I put my hands on his face and took a slow breath. "You know you can tell me, Bucky."

"I know, I'm going to from now on. We can call it my New Years resolution," he smirked and kissed my forehead. "Now it's your turn."

I rolled into my back and sighed. "Fine. They aren't nightmares. I mean, I get them sometimes, it would be impossible to do this job and not get them, but lately it isn't."

"What are they?"

"Migraines, I guess."

"Cara, these seem like more than migraines."

"Well, that's what they are," I said harshly.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he said. "Forget what I said."

I could tell he didn't believe me, but he didn't say anything else. I reached over and put my arm back around his shoulders. Bucky put his head back onto his pillow, making his hair fall across his face. I laughed at him and he stuck his tongue out at me.

"How about we go back to sleep," he yawned.

I agreed and moved closer to him. His arms wound around me tightly, and I instantly felt more comfortable. And within moments, I fell asleep.

****

"Thank you, Tony. This is a very nice piece of metal," I said sarcastically.

Tony grinned at me as we stood in the center of the training facility. That afternoon, he had called me down, telling me he had a surprise. When I arrived, he presented me with a small pen sized piece of metal. But, it was thicker than a pen, and had a very small button near the top of it.

"You've been complaining about not having your own 'specialty' for more than a year, Cara," he said.

I gave him a look and rose my eyebrows. "This is not really what I had in mind."

"Give Fortis a chance!" He cried.

"Fortis?" I repeated. "Latin for strong one. I'm flattered, Tony, I really am."

"I'm calling Fortis strong, not you," he grinned. "Kidding! I'm kidding!"

"Alright, alright, what do I do to make it work?" I rolled my eyes.

"Flick your wrist out."

I did so, and the metal suddenly extended into a sort of rod that was about a foot and a half long. My jaw dropped as I stared down at it. Tony nodded proudly and rose his brows.

"Press the button."

Again, I did as he said. A surge of electricity shot through the rod as I pushed it, and my eyes widened.

"That little feature is like Natasha's batons. Everything else about Fortis is entirely unique. It's lightweight, durable, easily concealed," Tony rambled. "I figured it would be easier than a gun or knife in certain situations."

"I'm not gonna lie," I nodded slowly and retracted it. "This is awesome."

"I'm glad you like it. I've been working on it since September. I planned to give it to you on Christmas, but you know," he shrugged.

I smiled and tucked it into my pocket. "Thank you, Tony. I know you have better things to do than make new weapons for me."

"Hey, I've gotta make sure my little sister can protect herself," he took his jacket off and tossed it onto a bench. "Come on try it out."

I laughed loudly and went to flick the rod out again, but stopped when the gym door slid open. We both turned, and Pepper entered the room. Her face was pale and gaunt, and she looked scared.

"Tony, there's someone here to see you," she said quietly.

"They can wait, I'm doing something."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Tony. It sounds important."

He groaned loudly. "Jesus, what kind of an asshat barges into someone's home and demands to speak with them?"

Pepper pursed her lips together and cleared her throat. "It's the Secretary of Homeland Security."