Can We Talk?
Lately, nararamdaman kong parang nagiging distant na sakin ang girlfriend ko. Hindi na kami katulad ng dati.
We've been bestfriends since we were little. Magkapitbahay kami noon. May maliit na playground lang sa harapbahay namin non at dahil don, nakilala ko siya.
"Mama! May naglalalo ta playglound ko!" I remembered my six year old me shouting. I saw her playing on the monkey bars. Sobrang dumi na nya non. Napangiti ako nang maalala ko ang itsura niya.
"Anak, can you let her? Bago natin silang kapitbahay. Hinayaan ko siyang maglaro," my mom said. Naaalala ko pa non na tampong tampo ako sa kanya. "Besides, you can play with her."
"Ayaw ko kalalo babae! Nababatag kayo!"
Ngayon na naalala ko yung pangyayaring yon, nahiya ako bigla. My grandfather used to say that women are fragile. Marami daw hindi pwedeng gawin sa babae. Katulad ng saktan ito, awayin ito, pabayaan ito at paiyakin ito. Pag daw ginawa ko yon, mababasag ito sa harap ko at hindi ko na maibabalik sa dati nitong anyo. Dapat daw inaalagaan ang babae. Pinoprotektahan.
Ang pumasok tuloy noon sa isip ko, mahihina ang mga babae. Na nakakaawa sila kasi hindi sila kasing lakas ko, well that was what I was thinking when I was in six years old. I still think that girls are fragile but not literally. I grew up surrounded by girls with that thought on my mind. I protected and cared for my mom and my two identical younger twin sisters. My father died when I was ten, my sisters was three years of age that time. Dahil don mas lalo kong pinahalagahan ang mga babae. Impluwensya na din ng pamilya ko.
"Silly boy. Hindi siya mababasag kung hindi mo sya sasaktan o paiiyakin. Just go and play with her. Make her your friend. Go on."
I was hesitant at first. Kahit nga lapitan sya non ay natatakot ako. While I was half way near her, she noticed me. Bumaba siya mula sa paglalambitin niya sa monkey bars pagkatapos ay ningitian niya ako. Natigilan ako non sa paglalakad. I didn't know back then that the fast beating of my young heart was because I was captivated by her smile.
She reached out to me her muddy hand that time. And with her sweet voice she told me, "Tara. Laro tayo."
That's how our friendship started. No one dared to touch her when I beaten up the first ever person who bullied her at school. I was eight years old that time.
Everytime I see her cry, natataranta ako. Naaalala ko pa non na kapag iiyak siya, naiisip ko pa din na mababasag sya. Literal.
Kaya ayoko non na iiyak siya o masasaktan. Natatakot kasi ako at mas nasasaktan para sa kanya. She's not like my mom and my sisters who are so jolly and rowdy. Mahinhin siyang babae, actually. Habang lumalaki kami, padalaga siya ng padalaga. Yung pahinhin ng pahinhin as time goes by. Ganun siya.
I was the typical guy when I grew up. I play basketball, I get into fights sometimes out of boredom, I play online games, just the normal guy but in a bad way though. Pero pag pamilya ko at ang bestfriend ko ang kasama ko, I am the good guy. Yung tipong caring, maalagain, masipag sa bahay, the exact opposite of the reckless, irresponsible and bad ass type of guy I am around my guy friends.
High school kami nang maramdaman kong higit pa sa pagkakaibigan ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. It started when one of my high school friend asked me if he can court her. I got so mad that time.
"Pre," Davy called me. Tropa ko siya. Umupo sya sa harap ko kasama ang iba naming tropa. "May boyfriend ba si Summer?"
Napakunot ako ng noo ko. "Wala," may galit sa boses ko nang sabihin ko to. Maisip ko pa lang na may boyfriend si Summy, naiinis na ko.
