Lies, Cries and Trying Times

A Visit

A/N: I know this chapter has been long over due and I'm sorry about that. A lot has been going on lately and I hope you understand.

Chapter 21: A Visit

~Shae's Pov~

I pulled my coat closer to my body as I walked across the grass to a place I became familiar with over the past couple of weeks. Memories of the date that Zayn and I had yesterday calmed me down a bit. He recreated our very first date but this one didn't involve anyone falling into a lake or me getting chased by a very soaked Zayn, even if that was fun. As I reminisced in yesterday's events, I didn't realize that I reached that familiar spot that I mentioned earlier.

Without a moment's hesitation I knelt down on the cold damp floor, taking out the flowers and an Xbox controller from my bag. I bit down on my lip to prevent any of my tears from falling. I carefully placed both objects on the grass in front of the grey stone and then passed my hand over the words that were carved into the flat surface. I really wasn't sure what I should say right now so I stayed silent for a few seconds.

"If you were here right now you'd probably be thinking that I'm a complete idiot for taking him back. You'd probably want to beat the shit out of him too," I said, my voice had a slight wobble. "I miss you, Aidan," I mumbled and wiped away some loose tears. "I'd rather you be here and think I'm stupid. I'd rather anything else than you being gone," I whispered.

"This is all my fault. If I'd only sent him away earlier or if I came for you. If I didn't tell you to go in the first place even when you wanted to stay," I cried, unable to stop the now free-falling tears.

"Is it weird that I keep imaging that this is some twisted dream and I'm going to wake up and you're gonna be home playing Xbox? I don't know what I'm supposed to do in a situation like this. I've been putting on a show for everyone but I'm not okay. I don't think I'll ever be okay," I sobbed and wiped away some tears. "I just need you back."

After a certain amount of silence I spoke. "I need closure. How do I even get closure?" I asked silently as I passed my hand through my hair. My gloveless fingers numb from the cold.

The wind picked up then, but this time it wasn't as freezing as before; instead it was calm and welcoming and I could almost imagine Aidan sitting next to me, trying his best to comfort me. This thought warmed my soul but it also shattered what was left of my heart. "Please don't let me be as damaged as the last time," I whispered before picking back up the controller and putting it in my bag. I stood up and dusted off the legs of my jeans before walking back to my car.

I got into the car and turned on the vehicle, immediately turning up the heat. When the car finally felt warm, I pulled onto the road and started to make my way home. My head hurt and my eyes burned from all the crying, I can't believe I broke down like that! What's even more frustrating is that I have to find a way to tell everyone about Zayn and I without freaking anyone out. It shouldn't actually be a problem because both Liam and Chelsea wanted me to give Zayn another chance, which is exactly what I'm doing. Before I knew it, I was passing my driveway and continued driving. I silently cursed myself as I shifted the gear into reverse.

Why do I have to be so distracted? I parked my car and got out, the cold air seeping through my clothes. I walked up to the front door and unlocked it, trying to get into the warmth of my home. I tossed my keys into the bowl on the table next to the door before making my way to my room. There, I changed into a long pair of pajama pants and a navy blue jumper. I washed my face to cool down my heated skin. I pulled my hair into a messy bun and made my way down to the kitchen with my phone in my hand.