#ILoveYou #YouLoveHer

#PhishingForGirlfriends

Nathaniel

"So any new suitors?" I asked Mich. Someone had been consistently leaving messages on her Facebook wall.

"Not really," she replied.

I raised my eyebrow.

"Who's that guy that you were with at that beach?" I asked. I'm not stalking Mich, for the record, her posts just show up on my Timeline.

"Oh. That," she answered.

Yes, that. Spill, Mich.

"He's my coworker. He's a more successful stalker than us," she said.

"Go on," I prompted.

"So, you know, the jet setter that I am now, I flew back a couple of weeks for work. And then I went to the beach one weekend then I posted a picture with that location tag, and then he just showed up."

"You dismiss stalking as if it's something that is perfectly acceptable."

She shrugged and said, "Sure, so he just hopped on his scooter and rode a couple of hundred miles outside the city. But at least, he didn't hop on a plane and fly to another country."

I glared at her. I shouldn't have told her that.

"Yup. See? We should take stalking lessons from him," she answered. "But really, that's nothing. I think he's just phishing."

"Phishing? Like for passwords?"

"Or fish. Or girlfriends in that big blue sea," she replied dismissively.

"Why would you say that?" I wonder if she thought that I have been phishing too.

"You know, just try out every combination systematically until he gets the right one. I don't think he actually likes me or anything. I just happen to be a girl in his book," she added with a shrug.

I laughed and asked, "Right. So he doesn't know about the whole Ellie thing?"

"No..." she drawled. "It's not like I wear a sign. And I like guys too. Just not him or... you."

"Gee, thanks. Just lump me together all the other guys that are just phishing for girlfriends."

"Hey, it worked for you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Please, don't make me say it."

"Use your inside voice then."

"Oh come on, your girlfriend finally gave us her blessings to hang out again. And I do like hanging out with you. Because you said you'll be my friend no matter what," she said in her faux dramatic voice.

"Just say whatever you want to say," I said firmly.

She returned to her normal voice and said, "Let me just point out the obvious, I rejected you, so you moved on to my friend."

She actually said it.

But she was right, in a way.

But it's not because I'm phishing. It's because I want to be happy with someone and Tia is, hands down, a clearly a better option than Mich, Mich being Mich.

"But I get it, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket," she continued. "And there are a lot of fishes in the sea, if one rejects you, you can just try another one, and another. Eventually, someone is going to fall for it, right?"

"I can't tell if you're talking about me, or your coworker or what you think of all men in the dating scene."

She considered for a bit, and then replied, "Okay, maybe not all men. But most men?"

"I'm reconsidering Tia's blessing and the whole I'll be your friend till death do us apart thing."

"Till death do us apart? Did I say that?"

"No. I did, with my inside voice," I replied with my eyes narrowed.

"So, you're taking it back?" she challenged with an eyebrow raised.

"For the record, I did not settle for Tia. I like Tia because she's actually nice to me, and she's smart and hardworking and she doesn't feel the need to step on other people to succeed. And she's prettier than you-"

"You done?" she interrupted. "And I think we already been over the checklist before? I get it, she's the better option. Fine. But you wouldn't have realized that if I had accepted you, despite my lack of feelings. So really, you should be thanking me."

"Thank you for rejecting me, Mich," I replied sarcastically. "I'm sure your coworker will thank you for rejecting him too."

"I don't have to reject him yet, because he hasn't actually told me that he liked me. Besides, I don't think he actually likes me."

"But when he does, you'd reject him, right?"

"Of course. I'm not a fish."