#ILoveYou #YouLoveHer

#TheLWord

Michelle

"She didn't say it back? Reward you with a kiss and then some?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

"No," he replied.

"Then, why are we looking at condos a block away from her office building?" I asked. Nate, in the end, was persuaded, by me, not to buy a condo near Tia's house in the middle of nowhere. Instead-

"It's prime real estate," he answered. The realtor who had been quite invisible, until now, nodded enthusiastically in reply. "And it's just 15 minutes away from my office."

"15 minutes without traffic," I corrected. "Which only happens between 1 and 5. AM," I added with emphasis.

"Traffic is not that bad," he replied. The realtor nodded again.

"Are you planning to have kids?" the realtor suddenly asked.

I stared at her for a moment, before replying, "Oh, we're not the couple. And no, they don't plan on having kids. Because bringing a child who can't eat ice cream into the world, is downright cruel."

Nate laughed at my answer, and defended, "I can't eat ice cream and I grew up just fine."

"That's because you never had ice cream."

"You can't miss what you never had," he replied.

"Anyway, no kids," I reiterated my answer to the realtor. "Anyway, how is this supposed to work anyway?" I asked Nate and we walked through the condo unit that is clearly a bachelor pad, that is basically only one bedroom with a partition between the living area. "Are you going to ask her to move in?"

"Can we look at a bigger unit?" Nate asked the realtor. "With more than one bedroom," he added.

"You know her church probably has something to say about that. Somewhere before or after that bit about premarital sex, sin and all," I added. "It's funny how Christian schools think they can just replace sex ed with Bible class."

"Oh well," was his noncommittal reply. "And no, I'm not asking Tia to move in with me. But she can crash here whenever she needs to work overtime."

"And is too tired to go home?" I asked. "She'd be too tired to..." I trailed with a smirk.

"I don't think we need to go there, considering she doesn't even love me," he deadpanned.

"Hey, maybe like her virtue. She's saving the L word too," I guessed. "Come on, she doesn't know that you use that word quite liberally."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Come on, it's not the first time you claimed to love someone," I answered factually.

Tia

Nathaniel said that he loved me. Yet, I couldn't say it back. What is wrong with me?

I do love him though.

There are different kids of love: philio, storge, agape and of course, eros.

And I think what I feel for Nathaniel is, I'm too embarrassed to even admit to myself, eros. As in I want to be with him, in a way that will definitely make my father frown.

And I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone else. And that's why I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that if I truly let him in, he might hurt me.

I see Nathaniel as someone that I will love for the rest of my life. Yes, I'm at that place where I can see a future, as in a marriage kind of future with him.

I know that he said that he loved me, but what if he doesn't love me in the same way. Even though we are technically a couple, I feel like his feelings for me are still at the border of storge. A friendship love that hasn't quite crossed the line to eros yet.

I know how he loves her though. Agape- an unconditional love that accepts her flaws, and boy does she have flaws.

And that is why I am so afraid. And that is why I couldn't say it back.

Nathaniel

"What can I say? I have a big heart and I love all my friends in a platonic way," I corrected Mich.

"Right," she conceded. "But it's more than platonic with Tia, right?"

"Of course," I answered too quickly.

I should have never used the L word with Mich. She seems to think that it always give her an upper hand. Like, because I love her, she can be her worse self with me, and I'll still love her anyway. Sadly, it's true.

She just nodded sarcastically.