Convicted Love (Finished!)

Convicted Love 3

~ Paul 3 ~

[ May halong galit ] 

I was watching A Walk To Remember...together with Kim, Jiya and Summer a week before our last assignment. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano nila napilit na manood si Kim. The next thing I knew was I wanted to tell Kim something I've kept for so long.

I have been with them since 3rd grade. My life used to be hard because of bullying. They say I'm too feminine. Silahis daw ako, sabi ng marami. And then I met Kim. He was the first friend I've ever had. He would beat up those kids who would insult me. Pati reputasyon niya nung high school kami tinaya niya para lang patunayan sa lahat na straight ako.

Naalala ko pa yung sinabi niya nung 1st year kami.

''Being soft...or feminine...doesn't mean you're gay. It could just mean that you or others consider some of your personal traits as "un-masculine. Who are you people to judge someone you don't even know?"

I know I should be happy that he stood up for me. But ever since that day, I felt guilty whenever I saw him. Since we've become friends, I paid attention to him more than anyone else. Not even Jiya the campus beauty queen, nor Summer who's too cool she beats people up. 

Kimpoy was different. He accepts people no matter what gender they have. I'm not only defined by society as what I am...I, myself, declare that I'm attracted to Kim.

"Ano bang kabaklaan yan. Uwi na nga ako. Tingin niyo nageenjoy akong manood ng ganyan? Geez, what's with girls and chick flicks. What's with both of you and your tears? Tara lets, tol." sabay hablot niya sakin palabas ng bahay nina Jiya.

Hindi naman na kami pinansin nung dalawa dahil busy silang kumakain ng popcorn at nanonood at sumisingha ng sipon. When we were finally alone outside Jiya's house...I blurted out something I shouldn't have.

"Pano kung bading ako?"

"Patawa ka. Ano? Sasabay ka?" sabay turo niya sa kotse niya.

Tinitigan ko siya. How can the creation of this man be possible? Ang gwapo niya...with his angelic face and cool personality. Tapos, yung mata niya...ang sarap sarap titigan. 

"Pare...wag ka ngang mang-asar! Bat ganyan ka makatingin!" 

"Kim...I like you." at ang di ko inaaasahan ay tatawa siya ng malakas. Yung tipong napapaluha pa siya sa tawa.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--Pau ano ba! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gutom ka na? Inaantok ka na? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lakas trip mo!"

"There's something about your eyes. Your personality. Everything about you. Perfect." that's the time na tumigil siya sa pagtawa at tumingin sakin ng seryoso.

I stepped closer, and he stepped backwards.

"A-anong pinagsasasabi mo..."

"It's not like I want you to like me back. Alam ko imposible...pero kasi...matagal ko nang kinikimkim 'to..."

"Don't...don't come any closer!" 

"Kim..."

"All these years pinagtanggol kita sa lahat ng umaapi sayo...sa lahat ng nangiinsulto...sa lahat ng umaapak sayo. Tapos ngayon sasabihin mo sakin bakla ka? Ginag*g* mo ba ko?!" 

"Kim...hindi naman sa--"

"Pare! Anong klase ka! Mandiri ka nga sa mga pinagsasasabi mo! Tinanggap kita! Pinaglaban! Pinagtanggol! More than 10 years na pagkakaibigan at pagturing ko sayo na pinakamatalik na kaibigan ito yung ibabayad mo saken?! Salot ka sa lipunan!" 

...

All those thoughts went back in my head the time Kim showed up 5 years after in my doorstep.

"K-Kim?"

"Hi Pau! Long time no see!" halos mahulog yung puso ko nung nagpakita siya sa harapan ko. With matching smile pa niya na parang walang nangyari noon.

May halong galit at saya yung naramdaman ko...pero anong meron? Bakit siya nandito?