phan oneshots (book two)

A weird detective

a/n: omg I had this idea where Phil is basically a detective and Dan is his silly boyfriend who gets kidnapped every time and Phil has superpowers and helps him

bungo stray dogs is ruining my fucking life

if you want your friend back you better give us money, and you better don't call the police

Phil laughs because some people are literally too stupid – they've send him their cellphone number too, recognizing were they are should be easy. he opens his computer and puts on his favorite site who will make him have their location in a second.

he recognizes the street.

"what a dork, it's too far from here and I will have to take a taxi." he sobs as he notices where they are. it's not that far, but he doesn't want to walk till it.

he takes his coffee and drinks it, then he looks on the table, what should he bring with him? gun? no. weird swords? no. poisonous spiders? no.

the kidnapper is so stupid that he will not need anything.

as he blocks his phone he takes some keys and goes out of his house. fortunately, a taxi passes down his house immediately and he stops him giving the man the address.

on the other hand, Dan is not that comfortable. he can't move and he can't see where he is as he has some bends on his eyes.

"look, Phil will come here in a second and he will kick your ass!" he yells, making the man laugh.

"he better bring money with him, then." he says. choosing the roof of a skyscraper is the best choice. Phil will surely not find him.

"can I at least see where I am? things are getting bored." Dan chuckles.

"no."

"fuck you."

"also." the man says. "you know that if he doesn't bring the money you will die, right? you better pray."

"Phil will not let me die." Dan says smiling.

in fact, Phil arrived there and he started to climb the stairs as he's scared of elevators. this will take some time.

he almost arrives and as he opens the door, he notices Dan seated on the ground bounded head to toe.

"Jesus Chris, you will make me crazy." he chuckles passing a hand through his messy hair.

"what the– how did you find me?"

"do I really need to explain?"

"did you bring the money?" he asks shaking, taking the gun that he had in his pocket and pointing it at Phil.

"wait." Phil hesitates, breathing hard. "I ran, let me catch my breath."

the kidnapper immediately takes Dan by his neck and points the gun to his head. "I swear, I'll kill him."

Dan says nothing, he just laughs and this makes him confused.

"why are you laughing?" he yells.

"look, if you leave him I'll not break your legs." Phil chuckles, and in a moment he teleports himself behind the man.

"how did you–"

"also, please, he can't see." he chuckles and the kidnapper doesn't even notices Phil taking away Dan's bends from his eyes.

"I'll kill you!" he says, but as he tries to shoot he notices that the gun is in Phil's hand.

"you know." Phil begins. "you should never do these things alone if you're a normal human, or people who are clever than you will do this."

"please– don't call the police." he sobs, his knees falls on the ground and he starts to cry. "I'm sorry."

"kidnapping, you've blackmailed me, probably you're just a junkie who tries to get attentions." Phil chuckles, still uniting Dan. "pathetic."

the man starts to laugh, he takes the gun that he had on his boot and he shoots at Dan.

"this hurts." Dan sobs, taking off the bullet from his chest.

"I told you to not hurt him." Phil says, approaching to him.

"why is he not bleeding? what are you?" he yells, shooting at Phil who just laughs.

"I'm just a weird detective, and you're pathetic." he whispers, taking his collar and throwing him on the ground.

the man does nothing, he just lies there.

"well, I guess he will be okay now." Dan says phoning the police. "thanks for saving me."

"no problem."

some minutes later, the police arrives and arrests the man who doesn't even have the courage to talk anymore. he saw something.. unreal.

"I told you to stay away from him." Phil sobs, putting an arm around Dan's neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm hungry."

"it's okay, it was easy. chinese food?"