Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal - All Too Well

Chapter 4

* 7 months later *

I think about that all the time. Those 2 days; thanksgiving and our magical roadtrip to Nashville. I remember it  All. Too. Well. 

It's been 6 months since I've written anything. It's too painful. All of those happy memories. I haven't been myself these last 6 months either. I was barely able to scrape myslef together for the Speak Now Tour. Every night, I would some how put a fake smile on my face, but inside I know that I am hurting, terribly. I know insdie that I've let my fans down. Tonight is opening night for the North American leg. As much as I love to perform for the international fans, the North American fans are the craziest and most fun to put show on for. I don't want to let my fans down anymore then I have. I don't want to keep faking a smile every night. I don't need to be fully over it, I just need to be okay. The way I've found most helpful in dealing with things is to write about them. 

I, for the first time in 6 months, pull out my song writing book and sketch in the top margin, "All Too Well." I remember on that Thanksgiving day, I typed many notes in my phone that I never wrote anywhere. It brings back SO many memories. I can't help but uncontrollably cry. Not many people see me cry. I perfer not showing my pain becuase I hate sympathy. I don't need sympathy, I was the one being stupid, thinking we were going to last forever. 

I write the fragments down that I typed in to my phone. I never thought I would use them, but magically, they seem to make a verse or chorus in their own. "I walked through the door with you. The air was cold but something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I left my scarf there at your sister's house and you still got it in your drawer even now. Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red. You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed. And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the t-ball team. You tell me about your past thinking your future was me."

"Oh, your sweet disposition, and my wide-eyed gaze. We're singing in a car getting lost Upstate.The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place. Cause here we are again on that little town street. You almost ran the red cause you were looking over at me. Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well." We were listening to Wide Awake after Thanksgiving; on the road trip to Nashville, it was dead silent; both times almost running a red light becuase he was "looking over at me." 

I hear my mom call from out the door, "Taylor, you have a makeup touchup right now and you have to be in the lift, ready to go in 30 minutes!" "Ok mom, I'll be out in a minute." I reply. 

Writing this helped me so much. I am slowly gaining back a smile, a genuine one that nobody has seen in so long. I am slowly becoming who I was. I'm not even close to fully there, but I'm closer. I'm not even close to over him, but I'm one step closer. But it still hurts, more than anything. As I leave the room, I write down, "I might be okay, but I''m not fine at all."

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I am really starting to love this story. And this is of course the first chapter that I have written that takes palce in the future! Do you guys like it? Comment blow! 

So today, I was added to a kik converstion to vent about the ending of Allegaint and I talked to some great book lovers, or bibliophiles! (It's one of my vocab words and in class I told my teacher "MRS SAINTSING, "I AM SO A BIBLIOPHILE!") One thing I said was if I became a teacher and taught 8th grade or high school Literature, I would make my students read Allegiant to know what real disappointment is. I would love it if you would please follow one of them, xlibraryqueen. Thanks for reading.

XOXOXO Madison

~ Madison