When I Came Back

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"Gunny," I close my eyes, "Gunny? You ok?"

No, not again. They come back. The images of their deaths haunt me. They flash before me quickly. My breathing gets rough.

"Gunny," he shakes me, "Look at me Leroy." I open my eyes slowly and see a man I have become accustom to. Mike Franks.

"I did it again didn't I," I sigh. For weeks I have been lost in a world where I still see their bodies covered in blood, the car where they died.

"Calm down," he looks at me with a rare sympathy, "Fireworks are about to start."

I look at all of the people around me. I forgot about it until Franks asked me to come with him. The July 4th celebration is tonight. I didn't want to come, mostly because it has been five months since their deaths. I miss them...

I hear a pop. I look around, expecting to see an enemy bomb has just exploded, and I remember, I'm not in the Marines anymore. I look up and see the red, white, and blue exploding overhead. Then it happened. They told me it would probably happen, but they said I was lucky and it might not be as bad. Well it still is bad. Every Marine comes back broken, different than they were before, with PTSD. I got it less than some, but it still likes to visit me in my nightmares.

I close my eyes, and I hear more loud bangs. I hear the screams of pain, and I know it's in my head but it doesn't feel like it. I let out a deep breath that I was holding.

"Gunny," he knows what's happening, "It's not real."

"It...feels...real," I don't realize I say it aloud. My head starts to go into a combat mode, and tons of thoughts run through my head, and it's a little too much. I try to grab on to the railing, but miss. Mike puts his hand on my back to support me and I clench the side of my coat. I try to breath and it gets difficult.

"I gotta go, Mike," I turn away before he can do anything. I push people over and get some angry complaints. But to me they sound like screams of pain and terror. Once I get out of the crowd, I break into a run.

Look at you Marine, a voice inside my head says, Pathetic, weak, you were never worth it.

The worst thing is, is that the voice is right, "Pathetic, Marine, pathetic," I run behind an old building and crouch down behind a dumpster, "Pathetic." It becomes a slow chant in my head. I run my hand through my military style hair cut. My breathing is hard, and I hear footsteps.

"Leroy! Where did ya go," its Mike. He ran after me. I hear a few more bangs and cover my head, "Leroy!" He comes next to me. My head is in my hands. I try to grasp on to something to keep me tethered to the world, but I drift into my head. I continue to hear screams and yells of pain and terror. And then it all gets silent. I open my eyes just a little and see that I am in an alleyway. How did I get here again?

"Gunny," I look to where the voice came from. Mike.

"Crap," I whisper.

"Why did ya run," he asks me.

"No idea," I reply honestly. He nods and offers me his hand. I grab it and he pulls me up. We walk back in silence.

~July 4, 2010~

"You coming, Boss," Tony yells.

"Yea," I walk out of the building with my team. The navy yard is doing fireworks this year and Tony thought we should go see them. We all stand there, talking, waiting for them to start. Then I see a man dressed in a Marine uniform, standing by himself. Then the fireworks start. I see a look of genuine fear on his face. He closes his eyes as more pops explode.

"Gibbs," Abby ask me, "Are you ok?" I nod my head. I see the man stagger a little bit and then turn around running.

I go after him.

"Gibbs?" I run past many people, and when I get out of the crowd I see the man running behind one of the buildings. I sprint after him. I know what he is doing.

"Marine!" I yell. I hear a noise and turn to see him against a wall. I go over to him. His head is in his hands and his eyes are sealed shut, "Hey," I shake him slightly and then hear McGee and Tony come up behind me.

"Boss, what the heck?" They fall silent when they see what I am doing.

"It's not real," I say to him. His tags say his name is Kennedy.

"Sure...fells...real..." he just barley says.

"I know it does," same words I said to Franks years ago. I hear Tony whisper to McGee. Kennedy looks up at me, "How would you know?" He doesn't say it sarcastically, he is asking a legitimate question.

"Believe me," I say, "None of us come back the same," he looks away, "You got family around here?" He nods his head, "Come on." I extend my hand and he grabs it. I pull him up.

"You're a Gunny aren't you," he asks.

"Yea," I turn towards Tony and McGee and they look baffled, "What?"
"Nothing, Boss," they say in unison.

"What I thought," Kennedy laughs.

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