Lurk

ＣＨＡＰＴＥＲ ＥＬＥＶＥＮ

I sat on the floor in the middle of my room, legs crossed, a blade in my hand, a bowl in front of me, matches beside it.

I've been trying to do it for so long, but I just didn't have the heart to do it. It'll hurt. Funny how I was so sure about it one hour ago.

It's all in your hands now, a voice at the back of my head told me. I took a deep breath, bringing the tip of the blade to my forearm, telling myself the pain won't last forever.

I heard a gasp and something falling to the ground. I snapped my head to the room door to find my mum standing there, her hands to her mouth and her bag on the floor. She looks like she just saw a ghost.

What is she doing here? Couldn't she pick any other time to finally show up?

"Oh no. Not this again." And she thinks I'm trying to kill myself. Just great.

"No, no, I'm not doing that." I shook my head, moving the blade away from my arm.

"Honey, why?" She choked back a sob. Oh gosh, she's gonna to turn this into a soap opera.

"Please mum, if you ever really loved me, if you ever really loved dad, get out and pretend you never saw that. I promise you I know what I'm doing. Just please, leave me alone." I tried, even though I know she won't let this go.

The first time she made me see a shrink for three months, who knows what will she do this time?

"Pretend I never saw that? I'm not gonna watch my daughter end her life and pretend I never saw it, are you out of your mind?" She let out another sob "Athena, please drop that thing, please don't do this."

"MUM!! Listen to me, I'm not killing myself, I never tried. Don't you understand? Don't you ever believe me? Do you even listen?" I cried out, trying to get it through her head. But who am I kidding, she would never believe me.

"You're right, I don't understand. I don't understand why are you doing this? I work and give you the money to get everything you need, what do you want more? Why don't you wanna live?"

"Well, guess what? Your money and clothes won't stop me." I spat and took the things and ran to the bathroom, locking it behind me.

She kept knocking at the door so hard, I'm surprised it's still in one piece. She pleaded, "Athena, open that door right now! Don't do anything stupid, we'll work this out. I promise."

She gave up after I didn't reply, I bet her hands hurt. I didn't hear anything after that, so I think she left.

She's probably talking to the police right now for all I know about, so I don't have much time. I have to do this now. It's now or never.

So I didn't wait for anything, I grabbed the blade and drew the symbols on my forearm, biting my lips to prevent me from screaming in pain. My eyes started clouding with tears and I'm not seeing straight.

I grabbed the bowl, letting my blood fall in the bowl. The dearest thing I have physically, my blood. And metaphorically, I put my hand on my dad's necklace, my blood falling all over my chest and legs. The only thing I have left from the dearest thing to me.

I grabbed all the strength I have left in me, I ignored the pain flowing through my body and the dizziness I'm feeling. I have to finish what I started. I pulled it out and put it in the bowl.

I grabbed the match and threw it in the bowl, all I can hear was sirens and mum's screaming to open the door. Fire was the last thing I saw before blacking out.

If you asked me a week ago, I wouldn't mind if I died. I would prefer to die actually. At least I would be with the only person I love. Dad.

But this time I wanna live. Because I know there's someone out there for me, someone willing to love me.