Letters to Him#Wattys2016

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Ameer sighed loudly. It seemed like he didn't have anything else to do other than that. He lost his child and he lost Qamar. Those were the two things of his life that he loved more than anything, more than his own self. Or maybe he was just lying to himself. Maybe he never truly loved them as he claimed to do. For if he did love them he wouldn't have had left her stranded in between. If he did love her then he wouldn't have left her hanging, making her wait desperately that maybe, just maybe the next person who opened the door would be him. That maybe he would come visit her and sit with her, talk to her or hold her. But she kept waiting for him and he never visited her for he was a coward. A coward who couldn't bring himself to visit his ailing wife who waited for him every day. He was just lying to himself and Qamar when he said he loved her, for if he really did love her then he wouldn't have done what he did with her. For even a sworn enemy wouldn't do what he did with his own wife. He deserved this pain and agony in which he withered now. He deserved this crippling guilt he was now living in. He deserved this and more for the pain he put Qamar in was much worse then what he was going through. He wiped away the remnants of tears that escaped his eyes, sure he might sound and seem like a wimp crying for his wife's loss but then again he was just a human being who was grieving for a loss that made his day and night. He did not care how he looked like to people, he only cared that Qamar and his little daughter were no more and one way or the other he was responsible for it. He sighed once more and flipped the pages of her diary preparing himself to read her next letter.

*

Dear Ameer,

Somebody has rightly said, 'Time is like a river, you can't touch the same water twice.' As a human being we have many instances in life, one moment we are happy, the other moment the tides of life bring us down. You can't go through the same moment again and again, once it is gone; it is gone forever!

Life for me as Qamar Ahmad was not easy; no one said it was going to be easy but you can never be prepared for hardships. Growing up I was always a shadow for my parents, sure I was the last born but I always came last in everything. No matter how hard I tried I could never be loved like how my brother and sister were loved. I was always side stepped, I was always a failure no matter how hard I tried. Sure my parents loved me, but it was less than my siblings.

They always say that be careful of what you do and say in front of a child, well they weren't wrong. For children observe things we as adults fail to notice. As a child I saw how my brother and my sister were taken care of differently. Though I was the youngest one, whenever a fight occurred between me and my sister, it was always her who was always favored regardless of why we fought. Whether it was for a toy or for a candy. She got away with almost whatever she did, same was the case with my brother.

As a child I saw that my birthdays were the dullest one's to the point that sometimes they even forgot it was my birthday. As a child I saw that stuff I did didn't matter much, I didn't know why but I was never encouraged instead I was always shown the errors in my work. I grew up to be a shy and less confident when it came to myself. I never had the self-confidence to undertake something for I had faith that I'd mess up if I do something. As I grew up I became a child who smiled less and frowned more. I became a child who stayed angry more than I stayed happy. I was grumpy and moody all the time. I snapped at the littlest things. I never talked much. I hated being with people, at a tender age I loved being alone than staying with people. I loved being cooped up in my room and read a book than go out and have fun with my family. I saw how when any of my sibling was sick both my mum and dad would go to lengths to make them fine but when I fell ill it was more or less ignored and of I complained too much they would give me a tablet or two to shut me up. So I grew up in silent sufferance, never knowing what being normal meant. But then as I grew up Allah had blessed me with the best of friends. Staying with them I had learnt to crack jokes, more importantly I had learnt to smile. I smiled more often. I had learnt to love life the way it was. I was called heartless, sure it hurt at first but then I got used to it because I knew I was heartless, but I knew it wasn't my fault I was heartless, because I wasn't born that way. Instead I was forced to become like that, forced to become mature at an age where no one knew what being alone meant. For once I don't blame myself for it, I learnt that half the things that happen with you is not really your fault. Many a times you suffer for others mistake, the mistakes that you had no part to play in.