Letters to Him#Wattys2016

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

He drew out a long breath. As he read each letter that she had written his nervousness grew more and more as he turned the pages. He didn't know why but it did. He just wished all of this was just a dream and he would wake up and find Qamar in his life, just Qamar no one else. He wished life would be like how it was before, just him and Qamar. But life wasn't a bed of roses, he had to swallow this bitter pill where Qamar was no more and he was left alone. He flipped the page and began reading,

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Dear Ameer,

Devastated.

Broken.

Hopeless.

Grief stricken.

Distraught.

Shattered.

These were the few things I felt when I heard you had married for the second time. I mean I knew you were drifting away from me for some reason. You weren't the same anymore. I had tried bringing you back but nothing helped, so I had decided to surprise you with cricket tournament tickets since you loved cricket and also a dinner in your favorite restaurant. I had set up everything, I had decided to make you spill whatever was troubling you and I knew cricket would unwind you. Though I hated cricket I was ready to endure it for your sake. But all this time I never knew you had planned to marry another. All this time I never thought that I was the problem. I never thought I was the reason you weren't the same anymore. I never knew it. I just never knew it.

I had been waiting for you the whole day. I tried calling you but you wouldn't pick the phone. We were getting late, the match was going to start but there was no sign of you. I waited and called you, but neither did you come nor did you pick your phone. I was giving up hope that you come home anytime soon and at that very moment the house bell rang. I got up and rushed towards the door to open it. But I was disappointed as soon as I opened it. For it was not you it was your mom. I asked her where you were thinking she might know where you were and I was right she did know where you were. Only thing was instead of filling me with relief, it broke me when she said that. I was left speechless when I first heard it. I couldn't believe my ears. At first I thought she was lying because my Ameer couldn't do anything like that with me. But when she looked at me with pity I knew without doubt that you had indeed gotten married. That was when I broke down. I cried, I cried till I couldn't cry anymore. But yet the tears fell down. They just fell. There came a time when I didn't move, I didn't blink my eyes and yet they fell relentlessly. I prayed, I prayed to Allah to grant me with Patience and endurance. To bear all this that was going on in my life. I prayed to Him because I knew that from this day forth everything that happened with was going to be a test. I didn't detest polygamy, Astagfirullah I didn't. I was hurt, I didn't know how I would share you. I didn't want to turn into those women who plotted to get rid of their husband's second wife. Little did I know I didn't have to share you at all! You slipped away from me like how sand slipped away from your fingers. I lost you.

I didn't know how I lived in those days. Frankly speaking I don't remember doing much. I prayed, cooked, cleaned the house, looked after mom and dad, and read the Quran. That was one of the good things that I did after all this happened. When I wasn't doing anything I was either praying, reading the Quran or penning down a few Shari Topics for the Madrasa I taught in Alhumdulillah. Words had become redundant, I used them only when needed. In all I had become like before, a true introvert. You did visit a few times but that was only to visit your parents. You would talk a few words to me asking me about my health. But that was it. We never argued anymore. You never teased me anymore. Everything between us was more or else dead. It was barren, nothing grew in this once lush land of Love. Instead of growing denser it was becoming redundant. It was drying out, with no one to water it. It now resembled a drought stricken desert.

I was more or less getting used to your absence. Yeah you used to spend a few nights with me but you always slept before I even come into the room. You would always go to bed before I came and if you didn't sleep you would be texting, I don't really know whom you texted but I am not going to assume. I used sleep waiting for you to keep your mobile aside. That was the time I realized you did all that to ignore me. So one day I couldn't stand, enough was enough. So I confronted you and you snapped. It took all I had in me to control my tears. I still remember each and every word you said to me. It still brings tears in my eyes when I think about it. You told me that I was a cold person. That people around me would freeze because I was that cold. That I was not the Duke of Edinburgh that needs to be told everything. That it was your life and you could do anything you wanted. Love anybody you wanted and ignore anybody you wanted. You also told me that you weren't doing anything forbidden. What you were doing was permissible. So who was I to stop you? That was the day I realized that I wasn't the Qamar that you loved anymore. I was just the cold Qamar. I was that Qamar from whom people stayed away. I was the Qamar who fought her battles alone. Allah was my only companion, He was with me when I was left alone. My parents were disappointed in me as I had shamed them. As days passed I was getting used to all of this, seeking repentance from Allah. That was only thing that kept my broken ship from sinking. I thought I was fine but it hit me hard when I heard a few aunties gossiping about your wife being pregnant.

I was a blank. I didn't know what to feel. Only Allah knows how I endured it for I cannot put it into words. By Allah I would've collapsed but Allah gave me inner peace. He gave me the strength to bear it without complaining and till the time I take my last breath I would never complain. I always prayed to Allah to grant me with patience and strength.

It has been two years since all this happened. A lot of things changed but in everything one thing remained constant, My Love for you. It was simple, it was clear. As clear as a drop of water, that I loved you. You might be wondering what made me write all this, right. Well I'll tell you this exact day two years ago was the day everything changed Ameer.

I have to go now. Mom wants me to help her with something and no I am not at the hospital. I am at home.

Take care Hayati.

Yours forever,

Qamar.

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He broke down. His Qamar was broken. She was hurt and he was the one who caused it. He broke the promise he had made to himself to never make her cry. He abandoned her when she needed him. She was making efforts to safe their marriage and he never appreciated it. He never did. He called her cold but in reality he was the cold one. He was the heartless one.

I am sorry Qamar. I am so sorry for hurting you, for yelling at you, for abandoning you, for making you cry and for everything wrong I did. I am sorry. I wish I could tell you why I did that. I wish I could hold you Qamar. I wish you were here with me. I am so sorry Qamar. I did all that for mom. I married her because mom wanted me to. I never married her because I wanted to, it was for mom's sake. I love you Qamar. No one will take your place in my life, no one. Ameer was, is and will always be yours. He might not be with you physically but his heart is always with you. His heart would always belong to you. I love you more than I loved anyone else Ya Qamari.

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Assalamualaikum People,

It took me a lot of time to time this. I don't know why, it just did.  I hope you like this chapter. Waiting for you feedback.

P.S.: Let me know your views about Ameer and Qamar.

Jazakallahu Khairan.