Those Were The Days...

Journal Entry 2

I won't go into details about that first date, but let's just say it was more perfect than I could have imagined. No, it didn't end with a good night kiss. We kind of both assumed we wanted to take this, whatever it was, slow. Honestly, I had no clue what I was even doing. I knew I had some sort of feelings for Harry, I just wasn't aware of what they were, or even how strong.

Two weeks before the X Factor was over, we were getting pretty serious. I had finally realized my feelings. Every time I looked into those green eyes, I was reminded of them. I couldn't run from it, so I decided to embrace it.

We talked to Simon about it, and I could tell Harry felt the same way I did, just probably more sure of himself. He already knew he was bisexual, I had always assumed that I was just straight. I didn't know if I was gay or bisexual. I still liked girls... I think. Although, I never felt this way with any girl, like I do with Harry. This was all so new to me.

I just knew what I was feeling with Harry was not normal; I also knew it was mutual. Simon said he expected this to happen (don't ask me how). He wanted us to stay in the closet until we knew for sure where we were going with it all.

Lets just say that was harder to do than I thought. As time progressed, we got more serious. Constantly touching one another, making kissy faces (no, we hadn't had our first kiss yet), and teasing each other. The only people who knew for sure about us were the boys and Simon (although we all had our suspicions about Zayn and Liam)

At the time, 'Larry Stylinson' was just progressing with the fans. Most of the fans were the ones who "shipped it" and others who just hated it. It made us feel horrible that we couldn't be honest with our fans, but we were convinced it was best for the band.

When we were told we lost the X Factor, we were devastated. But, somehow, we knew this wasn't the end. About two hours after the show was over, Simon called us into his office. We knew that this discussion would decide our fate, good or bad.

When Simon told us we had a record deal with Syco, we were practically jumping for joy. We didn't know who to tell first, so on instinct, we all called our parents first.

Since the X Factor was over, we were expecting to be able to tell the fans about 'Larry'. Simon told us to keep it on the down low until we were assigned a management company to and I quote, "guide us in the right direction" (pun fully intended).

That weekend Harry took me on a date I will never forget.

He knew my favorite food was pizza, so we had a small picnic and it was just perfect. He told me he had a surprise for me. He drove us both to a huge park and he walked me to the picnic with his hands covering my eyes the entire time. when I opened my eyes I was so surprised, no one has ever done ANYTHING like that for me. EVER. i wanted to cry, but didn't want to look like the sap I am. There was pizza, cookies and soda. All my favorites. After we ate, we just laid down on the blanket and I snuggled up next to him and he put his arm around me. I don't know, I just always feel safe when I'm with Haz. We watched the stars and just talked about absolute nonsense for a what seemed like hours.

I looked up at his face, and he entwined our hands. Have you ever had so many butterflies in your stomach that you can almost feel them crawl up your throat? Ya. I did. Slowly, but surely, he was leaning in to kiss me, I could tell.

I froze. I felt so dumb! I've never kissed a guy! Was it any different than kissing a girl? I wasn't sure if i could go through with it.

Then, I felt his lips brush over mine and chills ran up and down my spine.It didn't seem any different... It just felt... better... in a way you cant describe. I felt stupid sitting there when he was just kissing me, so I decided to kiss back.

It was just perfect. No words could describe it. The kiss was so gentle, yet so passionate. I felt like we were the same person for the time we kissed. when I pulled away for air, his eyes were glimmering with joy.

Did he plan this? I never knew. But I did know that whatever we had would last as long as it possibly could. As long as he kept up those perfect kisses.