cold feet [1]

sixteen

Jungkook's point of view

Things seemed to get worse as days went on. I spent most of my days cooped up in my room, still sick and worn down from the pain my injury had caused. The hit to the head was probably not the best thing for me, but I didn't want to go to the hospital. They were unnerving. It was weird to think that four rooms down someone was dying. I didn't like the smells or the people or the agonisingly long waits.

So I learnt to cope with the pain, simply laying in bed and listening to music. Jimin thought it best I skip work, he was worried about me; though he tried to hide it I could tell.

Jimin and I had a complicated relationship. In his eyes we were family; even though realistically we aren't. It's strange to hear the word thrown around when I admit I once saw a romantic interest in him. He was someone I could trust; though those feelings faded the more I began to realise the dark parts of him.

He had the inability to understand others, and he closed himself off; yet exploited others. There were times he lost his temper and said things he shouldn't have said. Now, I think my feelings have faded, but I know they're still hidden somewhere.

—

I peeked out of my bedroom door, listening to the absence of noise from the living room. This either meant Jimin had fallen asleep or that he had left to go out. Deciding either were good options, I ventured down into the living room.

There Jimin was, splayed out on the couch with his computer in his lap, chin resting against his chest as he breathed in slumber. I watched him for awhile as I began to make myself a drink, rubbing my fingers over my temples as I looked to the door.

I wondered where Taehyung was, the boy hadn't come to check up on me. In fact I hadn't heard from him at all. Usually he got lonely and came looking, but there was nothing.

He made me angry sometimes, just like Jimin. I found myself always wondering why I even liked him to begin with. Hell, I couldn't touch him. And every hour his 'other half' spilt hatred all over me. My fingers clenched as I thought about it, shaking my head to rid the thoughts in my mind.

This isn't his fault.

But what if it was? No, that's stupid.

"Kook?" croaked a voice, and I looked up blankly to see Jimin looking up blearily over his laptop.

"Yeah?"

"You should be laying down." I rolled my eyes.

"I've been laying down all week, jesus. I need to do something." Jimin shook his head, pulling himself to his feet as he scuffled over to the kitchen.

"You are unwell, sleeping is good for you."

"Jimin, I know how to look after myself, I'm not a two year old." There was malice in my voice that I couldn't hide, and Jimin's brow furrowed as he heard.

"I'm looking out for your best interest and you give me attitude."

"I'm twenty three years old! I don't need you looking over me twenty-four seven!" Jimin stepped closer and I pushed him away, wrinkling up my nose at the spark just a simple touch gave me.

Why am I feeling this way? Why is touching him so exciting?

Maybe it was the craving I had for a touch that could never happen. Any time I was with Taehyung I wanted to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. It was maddening to know that if I tried I would leave him wounded. Would it be similar if I took that need from someone else?

I didn't know how to stop myself, bring my fingers tightly over the shorter's shoulder. He looked down at the touch, biting his lip before returning to my own troubled expression.

"Go back to bed, Jungkook." I snivelled at his demand, glaring over his head before pushing him to the pillar that supported the open room. I didn't know what I was doing, just knew that I needed something. A touch that sparked something.

Jimin's eyes grew wide and mine did too as I pushed rather heavily against his lips, shutting my eyes tight at the realisation that I was kissing him.

I knew I shouldn't. God I kept telling myself to stop. But instead my body did the opposite, pushing closer and closer until finally Jimin built up some nerve to shove me away.

I stumbled a step or two, eyes blurring out of focus as my balance offset. When my vision cleared I saw Jimin staring over me with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"Why did you do that?" He whispered, barely even making out the words as he brought his palm up to wipe at his lips.

I didn't say anything. "Why did you do that?!"

"I don't know!" I blurted, panicking as I backed out of the situation, pushing passed Jimin and heading straight for the door. The red head followed in his pyjamas, not caring about his appearance.

I pulled the door open with an alarming amount of strength, running outside and to the gate before turning around to see that Jimin had stopped a few metres away.

He had that same mixture of emotions in his eyes. Maybe he was disappointed in me for doing so. Maybe he was disgusted. Maybe he thought I was being stupid and childish; trying to prove a point through a dumb kiss.

But his words shocked me, and I didn't think he could understand my hidden feelings. Though I was more of an open book that I had thought to be.

"Am I just your pawn for when Taehyung isn't enough?" I lowered my head, pulling at the gate as I repeated those words. Knowing it was everything I had thought. It made me sick to even admit that I was using my closest ally as a toy of a sort.

Am I just your pawn for when Taehyung isn't enough?

"I'm sorry."

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