cold feet [1]

thirty four

jimin's point of view

Admittedly I thought I'd gotten over whatever feelings I had left for the blonde boy. But watching the two from the doorway pulled at the hidden truth that I had thoroughly buried beneath anger and hatred. Admitting I was jealous would only hurt me anyway. Yet I couldn't help but stare at the way Taehyung melted into Jungkook's embrace as they spoke, their hands constantly on eachother whether curled in hair or caressing skin. I had grown used to Taehyung being around and had come to not mind it. This proximity challenged my own understanding of where I stood in everything, unable to push away that animosity to see the affection I never received come so easily to the son of love.

It wasn't just him that surfaced these emotions. It was also Jungkook who smiled so sincerely with a grin that pushed his blushing cheeks up with little dimples. A smile I had never seen before. There was often a shallowness to his smiles, withdrawn from true feeling. Jungkook had been like that the whole time we'd known eachother, it was as if a dampener had smothered all his emotions. I had always feared there was something wrong with him, that maybe he wasn't fully processing the world around him. But this smile that spread through every word he spoke to Taehyung laying over him was brighter and bolder than anything I had ever seen.

It hurt that two of the people that were once my closest connections had grown distant from me. Granted, it was probably my fault, I didn't handle my own emotions well either; except in the opposite scale to Jungkook in that I felt everything so intensely. That jealousy I felt now could so easily turn into hate if I let it and that terrified me.

Realising I had been standing in the doorway for several minutes, I squeezed my eyes closed in attempt to reset my thoughts. Seokjin had asked me to fetch the two after finally calming down his parents and sister. They had to have time to prepare themselves before seeing their son alive again. I cleared my throat to interrupt the two's horrendously sappy flirting. Jungkook looked up with a grin that dropped to his signature neutral smile the moment his focus was on anyone but the blonde in his lap.

"Hi," he spoke up, face scrunching up in a sudden reminder as I stared at his bloodied nose. The sight of it just made me want to punch him again, seeing him alive was both exhilarating and infuriating. Taehyung was right, why would he leave us all to grieve? "Is everything okay?" Oh I'd lost my thoughts again.

"Your parents want to see you." That smile dropped to a frown, fingers tightening around Taehyung's arms when he turned back to the blonde.

"When does this thing wear off." Taehyung shrugged.

"No idea. My mother didn't tell me." I looked down at the pair of gloves that were now lying on the floor. Once white, now slowly turning black. Nothing but the fingertips were white now and I sensed that meant this fleeting moment of peace would soon come to an end.

"This might help." I called, picking them up and showing it to the two.

"Ah yes that will." He took the gloves from my hands, pausing for a second to let his own rest on mine. His skin was like ice, even after laying with Jungkook for half an hour.

"Why are you so cold?" Without thinking I grabbed onto his hand and brought it closer, smoothing over his fingers and down to his wrist to feel for his pulse. Oh thank God he has a pulse.

"I don't know," he admitted with his own sound of curiosity. I didn't notice him smiling until his hand closed around mine and I snapped my head back up to stare at his knowing smile. "You can let go now." The moment he spoke my cheeks flushed, letting him pull away and take the gloves with him. It was not just the coldness of his skin that surprised me, but how soft it was. Running my fingers along his palm was like silk.