never

Eventful Day

I woke up and smiled brightly. Chris lit me up like a Christmas tree. I was so happy unable to stop smiling. He treated me so good giving me whatever I wanted with the promise of more in the future. I turned to see his face buried in his pillow a firm grip on my hips. He snored lightly smiling in his sleep. I don't know what he was dreaming about but it made me smile harder to know that he was happy again. I need his happiness to fuel my own without it I'd still be in such a dark place. Lost emotionally torn down broken. It's funny how he always seems to pull me from my dark places. I hadn't noticed he was staring right back at me until he kissed my nose. I giggled blushing hard "You're so beautiful" I hid my face in the pillow blushing harder "Stop" I whined "I will when you stop being beautiful and since that doesn't wanna stop neither will I" Chris had been complementing me like that since yesterday and it was beginning to make me feel special. Like he really loved me. I don't know why but I will always have small doubts that any one person could love me. I doubt I ever will to believe that he truly does. Even with Liam I struggled. He brought me back biting my nose a little "Stop frowning" I giggled and kissed him "What are we doing today" Chris shrugged rolling over with me pouting at the loss of contact "Shay said she had an announcement to make and Nita's holding a engagement party so..." I was happy for Nita and interested in what Shay wants to say. Today was surely exciting. Chris went to the bathroom leaving the door open so I could watch while he brushed his teeth. I rolled my eyes when he motioned for me to get up. I groaned but got up anyway going to brush my teeth. He kept moving his elbow in my face and blocking my vision. I got frustrated so I moved back in the bedroom and sat on the bed. I'll wait. He poked his head out and I turned my back. He picked me up and put me down in front of the sink. I finished my hygiene and I turned to give him a kiss. He chuckled and ran fingers down my spine sending shivers through me. I bit my lip and pushed him away walking downstairs knowing Shay was making breakfast. I hated doing that to him but I still don't know what I want. I know with each passing day the will to take any option from him is slimming but I need to think about what this means for me. I didn't notice I had found the bottom step until I tripped up only for Chris to catch me. He laughed and I stuck my tongue out at him "Hey I'm not the reason you fell" I laughed because he actually kinda was. But that was nothing to laugh about and the fact that I found humor in our situation probably says something about me but I'm long overdue for a psychiatric doctor visit so... Whatever. I walked into the kitchen smelling waffles and smiling "Yay waffles!!!" Shay hadn't been listening to me humming a tune to herself lost in thought. I looked at her closely knowing something was up "Shay!! Shay what's up! Why you so happy" she bit her lip and shrugged "I'm not" I raised an eyebrow at her and then I noticed her glow. Oh. I said nothing else the sour feeling burning in me. Chris and Bryshere walked in laughing, Chris sat next to me pulling a plate out and starting to eat. He was completely oblivious to the way Bry greeted his girl. A kiss on the cheek and a small rub of her stomach. I blinked and looked away pained by them. I was so damn sensitive and it was getting on my nerves. They have words for people like me. I shook the thought off. Shay and Bry whispered about something to each other and he made her blush. The scene would've made anyone melt but me I just sighed and looked over at Chris who was looking at me smiling. I couldn't help my laugh because he had food on his face. I took a napkin and cleaned his face kissing him afterward. Have I made decision? Did I really want what they had? Was I willing to give up ever having moments like those? Looking at them I knew the answer. How could I watch them raise their baby and not want one of my own? Even now watching them made me want. And I knew that if I were to ever be free from fear I'd have to face all of them. Maybe after that I'll stop being so God damn sensitive. I looked over at the fool next to me and smiled wide. I know he'll be happy to know what I chose. The day went along smoothly Nita invited me to party planning and then roped me into helping set up but I didn't care. I was too excited about my decision. I'd made it and I couldn't wait to tell Chris. But my train of thought stopped and derailed as I remembered that me and Chris have never done it. It would be our first together and I was instantly 10000 times more nervous. I stopped helping and sat down. Something that did not go unnoticed by General Natalia and Sargent Shay. They both walked over and sat next to me "Ok what now" I cleared my throat "I wanna get close to Chris but we've never done that and I just got nervous" they laughed "Didn't we go over this" we kinda did but it's more than just sex for me "I know but it's more than seducing him I love him and it's different" Shay smiled "He loves you and I bet he'll be fine with you being your perfectly innocent self with him you know some guys find innocence sexy" I laughed and hugged them both. Shay, Natalia and Nita have been there for me through everything and I couldn't ask for better friends. No sisters "You girls are my family you know... This is just about the closest thing I'll ever get to one" Natalia smiled and pulled me closer and Shay started to cry "Sorry I've been really emotional lately" I laughed again knowing exactly why but Natalia clueless shook her head "Periods are killer" she walked away and Shay followed suit leaving me to laugh at how oblivious everyone seems to be. How had no one figured it out? I shook it off and prepared for the moment of truth in my mind while I tied ribbon up for Nita's party. After all the work was done I went upstairs and got my room ready for my moment. After that I went into the bathroom took a shower and put on my outfit. I looked cute but I still needed something I called Elena up and asked her to help with my hair. She put it in a cute pony and cut me some bangs.