Life In Gravity Falls

Headhunters - Part Three

The next morning, you, Dipper and Mabel get up early to investigate the crime scene. Last night the three of you had put police tape around the living room area so that no one could go in and accidentally  mess with the evidence.
"Okay, people, we need to look for clues." Dipper says, chewing on his pen.
"Dipper! Mom told you to stop doing that!" Mabel puts her hands on her hips.
"I can't help it! It's a habit!" Dipper protests, and you laugh.
"What's so funny?!" Mabel asks angrily.
"I don't know, it's just kind of amusing when you guys fight." you say.
"No it's not!" they both yell at the same time.
You put your hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, sorry. It's not." you try not to smile.
"Hey, wait a second..." Mabel points at the ground. "Were these footprints always here?"
You walk over to where Mabel is standing and look down. Sure enough, there are medium sized footprints, each with a hole in the bottom.
"That's odd...why are there holes in them?" Dipper questions.
"They lead this way..." you say, following the trail.
You walk behind the couch and gasp.
"What? What is it?" Mabel asks.
"The, uh, footprints stop here." you say nervously. "And there's, uh, this." you bend down and pick up a 4 foot long axe.
Dipper and Mabel gasp.
"Oh my god." Mabel says, shocked.
"Manly Dan!" Dipper exclaims.
"Who?" you ask.
"Manly Dan, the lumberjack! It makes so much sense! He was furious when he didn't get his free pizza. Plus, he carries an axe with him at all times." Dipper points out proudly.
"Yes! We have a break in the case!" Mabel exclaims, grabbing the axe from your hands and running into the shop. You and Dipper jog after her.
When you run through the door, you see Soos standing on the counter and screwing in a light bulb.
"Soos! We need your opinion on something." Mabel says.
Soos climbs down from the counter, and Mabel hands him your new piece of evidence.
He studies it for a few seconds, then says, "In my opinion, this is an axe."
You roll your eyes.
"You don't happen to know where Manly Dan hangs out, do you?" Dipper asks.
"Oh, yeah." Soos answers. "He's always at this biker joint down town, with all his friends."
"Thanks!" you say, and the three of you run out the door.
You run by Gruncle Stan, who's getting something out if his car.
"Grunkle Stan, we're going into town to interrogate a suspect." Dipper tells him as he jogs by.
"We have an axe!" Mabel says, waving it in the air as she runs out of the shack.
"Hmm. That sounds like the kind of thing a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing." Stan says, then laughs. "Good thing i'm an uncle!" he calls out as you round the corner and start running on the sidewalk
Suddenly, Dipper stops running. "Wait guys, we have to be 15 or older to get into the place that Soos is talking about." he frowns.
"Oh yeah...I know!" Mabel starts jumping up and dow in excitement. "I can make us fake IDs!"
"Are you sure?" you ask unevenly. "They would have to look pretty realistic."
Mabel smiles. "Trust me, y/n, I got this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You look down at your ID for the third time since leaving the shack. To be honest, they don't look very believable. All Mabel did was put googly eyes and stickers all over the picture so that you can barely see it. She also gave you the most ridiculous names.
"Sir Dipping Sauce? Seriously?" Dipper asks in disgust.
"Yep!" Mabel chirps. "And I'm Lady Mabelton!"
You mentally face palm the idea of letting Mabel choose your names.
"Ok, but why does mine say Princess Butternubs? That doesn't even have to do with my real name." you say, annoyed.
Mabel shrugs, and you sigh.
"Okay, guys." Dipper says, and slows his pace. "That's the biker joint up there on the left. And...that's the guy who checks our IDs."
You look up and gulp. There's a very large man standing in front of one of the doors. He's probably your and Dipper's height combined, and has many tattoos all over his face and neck.
He looks up from his clipboard as you approach.
"ID." he says in a deep voice and holds out his hand.
You carefully hand him yours, and Dipper and Mabel do the same. You wipe your sweaty palms on your pants.
The man looks down at the IDs that back up at you, then back down at the cards.
Oh boy. Surely he knows that they're fake. Now you're going to get in trouble and probably sent to jail or wherever they put bad kids and then this will be on your permanent record and you'll have to explain to your parents and-
"Oof!" you say as Dipper nudges you in the stomach with his elbow.
"Don't forget to breathe! Seriously, you're turning purple." he whispers.
You exhale a breath that you didn't know you'd been holding.
"Alright, you can go in." the man says and hands you back your IDs.
"Wait, really?" you ask in surprise, but Mabel pulls you inside before he has a chance to respond.
You look around. This place is a mad house. There are people fighting and punching each other, some people playing really gory games, and others are dancing around like idiots.
You step over a man lying on the ground with his eyes closed.
"He's just resting." you hear Mabel say cheerfully.
"There he is." Dipper points to the corner, where Manly Dan is playing an arm wrestling game.
"I'll stay here." Mabel says and hops up onto a stool.
"Okay," you say, and Dipper leads you over to him.
"Manly Dan." Dipper begins, and the man pauses to look up at you. "What were you doing at exactly 10:00 last night?"
"I was punching the clock!" Manly Dan growls in a loud voice.
"So you were at work." Dipper says.
"No," Manly Dan exclaims, "I was punching that clock!" he points to a window where you can see a pretty banged up clock which is stuck on 10:00.
"Well, I guess you don't recognize....this, then!" you say, pulling out the axe.
Manly Dan then turns to stare at you."Listen, little boy!" he yells.
"Actually, i'm a-"
"I wouldn't touch that axe with a ten foot stick! That's a left-handed axe, and I only use my right hand! THE MANLY HAND!" he then slams his right hand down, ripping the mechanical hand straight off of the machine.
"Well okay then, thank you for your time." Dipper says quickly, grabbing you and Mabel and running out the door.
You walk in silence for about 10 minutes, when Dipper decides to speak up. "So...it's a left-handed axe, right?"
"Right." you say.
"So then all we have to do is go through the list of people who were at the wax museum opening night, and see who is or isn't left handed!" he exclaims happily. "Then we'll have our culprit!"
"Oh yeah, your right!" Mabel says, and starts skipping instead of walking.
"We should start making the list right now!" you say excitedly, breaking into a run.
You just can't wait to solve your first mystery.