Allegiance | Kylo Ren

LIX

"Mason told me that you told him where I was." I blurted out, desperate to change the subject before Kylo could do any investigating inside my mind. "When I was being held at the Resistance base."

Kylo blinked. "Yes, I did."

"Thank you for that." I cast him a grateful glance. "He appreciated it as well—he was worried about me."

There was a slight pause before Kylo nodded. "I knew he would be."

"Thank you." I squeezed my eyes shut. I already said that.

"You're welcome." He cast me a curious glance. "Calia, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

Wrong.

I nodded, avoiding his gaze. "I know."

Think of something else. Or leave.

Unable to think of anything quickly, I stood to leave. "I should go."

Kylo held out a hand to stop me, watching me cautiously. "Did you come here just to thank me for telling the doctor about you?"

"Yes." I changed my mind. "No."

He squinted, fighting to figure me out. He was no doubt deeply confused by the turbulent and convoluted path of my thoughts—a desperate attempt to keep him out.

"Have you heard about the mission at the end of the week?" This was a feeble attempt at conversation—it was headed for a dead end from the very start.

"No, I haven't." He looked completely bewildered now.

That peaked my interest. "Really? I thought you were involved with planning every mission."

He frowned. "I am."

We gazed at each other, suddenly equally confused.

"Then why—"

"I don't know."

"That's strange."

"It is."

"Are you going on it?"

"I was among the first to sign up for it."

"Oh."

We fell into silence. Then he broke it.

"Cal, be honest—are you okay?"

I wanted desperately to tell him everything, to lower my walls and have him help me sort out my tangled thoughts and emotions. But I knew I couldn't. So, instead, I shrugged.

"I think so. I just have a lot going on right now." At least that was a half-truth.

His dark eyes on me were suffocating. I looked around the room, purposefully avoiding eye contact.

I needed to leave. Every moment here was a moment closer to him being able to sort out my thoughts.

I started towards the door, but paused in front of it. I half-turned towards him, frowning slightly.

"Kylo, I—" I broke off under his intense gaze. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what I had been meaning to say. "Can I have a hug?"

He smiled softly at my simple request, despite how strange it might have seemed. He took a step towards me and I quickly closed the gap between us, wrapping my arms tightly around him and burying my face into his shirt. I inhaled deeply, comforted by his touch.

After a few heartbeats, I hesitantly pulled away. "Thank you."

"You're... welcome." He gave me a strange smile.

I turned on my heel and left. The hug, meant to comfort and reassure myself, had only confirmed my fears.  I had felt at home in his embrace, enjoyed his arms around me a little too much. That realization had my heart racing. Nonetheless, I had left, and I was relieved to be out of range from his mindreading and free from the awkward and choppy half-conversations.

I searched my mind for something else to think about. Obsessing over my feelings for Kylo would only stress me out further. Instead, I wondered about why he hadn't heard about the upcoming mission. It was curious—why hadn't he been informed about it? Why hadn't he been a part of planning for it?

My questions, I realized with a sinking heart, could only be answered by one person—Hux. He had most likely organized the mission, and he would know why Kylo was left out of the process. However, he was also the last person I felt like speaking to. His incessant rudeness was impossible to get past, and I knew that he would succeed in irritating me again.

But my curiosity got the best of me. Spotting a guard loitering in the hall nearby, I forced myself to approach him.

"Excuse me, sir?" I said politely.

He turned to me, his eyes widening slightly when he recognized me. I ignored his surprise.

"Do you know where General Hux is, currently?"

He thought for a moment. "I believe he is in the conference room."

I nodded. "Thank you."

I felt the guard's eyes on my back as I departed down the hallway leading to the room where Hux was. It was clear that everyone in the base knew who I was, and could recognize me even without my armor on. It had become apparent that it did not matter if I wore my armor or not anymore—no one questioned it when I walked around the base in only the training clothes that Kylo had supplied for me during my lightsaber lessons. It almost made me smile to remember how stressed about my armor I had been before, when the others still saw me as only a trooper and not Kylo Ren's closest friend.

So much has changed since then, I mused silently as I approached the double doors leading to the conference room. I could see Hux through the window—his back was to me as he examined something on the table in front of him. The very sight of him made my skin crawl. Nonetheless, I took a deep breath and forced myself to push the door open.