Allegiance | Kylo Ren

VIII

The absence of clocks or any other kind of timekeeping mechanisms in the hospital room made it hard to know what time of day it was. I was able to keep a loose schedule based on Mason's delivery of meals, but he didn't seem to be very consistent in his deliveries and so I knew that basing my guesses on that would put me off.

Not much conversation passed between my roommate and me for the next two days. Lord Ren did not seem the type to start a conversation, and I wasn't going to force him into one, so instead we remained in a solid silence, broken only by the rustling of bedsheets or Mason's occasional visits.

I wasn't allowed visitors, but I'm not sure I would have had any if I had. I couldn't think of anyone who would break from their usual schedule to come watch me lie in a hospital bed.

On the second day, Mason allowed me to stand up and stretch my legs under his close supervision. I took his arm as he led me out into the hall, chewing my lip as I became readjusted to being upright. We walked slowly down the hall and back. I was grateful for his firm but gentle grip, because my legs felt weak and every so often one of my knees wouldn't lock when it was supposed to and I would jerk downward. Mason kept me upright, chuckling softly as I became frustrated with my walking incompetence.

After a few laps down the hallway and back, he led me back to my bed, letting me stay sitting up as he checked my stitches. His fingers were soft as he lifted the hem of my shirt.

"Your progress is impressive." He ran a finger over the lines crossing on my torso. "You've torn out the top two stitches of course, but I'm just going to leave it, because it looks like you're healing fast enough to where you don't need them." He took a step back. "I'm going to run some tests on you to check your internal healing. If that's going as well as the outer part, then you should be done with the pouch meals."

I grinned. "So I'll be out of here soon?"

He thought for a moment. "Maybe three more days? You'll be on bed rest for another week at least, but you'll be in your own barracks instead of in here."

My smile grew wider. "That's great news!" I flopped back on my bed. I saw Mason cringe at my sudden movement, but I felt no pain, only anticipation. He patted my knee softly.

"I'm glad to see you're healing quickly." He gave a small smile, lingering at my bedside.

"You may go now, if you're finished." Kylo muttered from across the room.

I frowned at him, my spirits dampened. Mason shrugged, flashing me one last smile before turning and leaving without another word.

"Are you okay?" I turned towards my roommate, wondering what the cause for his mood was.

"Just tired of hearing his thoughts."

I jumped, surprised that I had actually received a response. Trying to keep the conversation going, I pressed on.

"What was he thinking?"

"About you."

"Well, he is my doctor."

"Not like that."

"Oh." I frowned, not entirely sure what he was implying. He must have sensed my confusion, because he continued.

"He was thinking about kissing you."

Oh.

I didn't know what to say. My eyes wandered to the door where Mason had disappeared moments before. Conflicting feelings waged war in my chest, making my head feel fuzzy. I bit my lip, staring down at my hands for a beat before glancing over at Kylo. His eyes were fixed on me, seeming to assess my reaction.

"I-I'm sorry you had to listen to that." I felt a small tug in my chest as I pictured Mason's face in my mind. His soft green eyes, his sandy hair, his stubbly jaw. I wouldn't object if he kissed me. He was warm, and kind, and patient, and funny...

Kylo made a sound that resembled a gag and I quickly remembered that he could read minds. He turned onto his side, his back facing me, and a giggle escaped my throat at his childish response.

"You don't like him, do you?"

"He's an idiot." Kylo retorted, his back still to me.

"He's actually a very good doctor." I countered.

"He didn't notice that my stitches were torn and he was standing right next to me."

"You told him to leave."

"He's a doctor. He should be able to tell these things."

"You scare him. He was probably too worried about offending you to notice that you were bleeding."

Kylo was quiet, and suddenly I was afraid that I had offended him. It was a long time before he spoke again.

"Are you afraid of me, too?"

I thought it over for a moment. "No, I don't think I am. I was at first, but I'm not anymore. Should I be?"

"I don't know." His voice was soft, resigned.

I chewed my lip, wondering if I should continue. After a moment, I decided I should.

"You use fear to gain respect and maintain control as a leader." I squinted at the ceiling, choosing my words carefully. "And it works for you. The mask hides your identity and creates anonymity, which then creates fear in those who don't know you. Fear of the unknown, fear of what the mask conceals."

"Is that bad?"

"No, I don't think so. It has the desired effect—you are one of the most renowned and feared leaders in the galaxy. And that's your goal, right? To make yourself known? To bring power to the First Order?" I paused, my mind racing. "So no, that's not bad."

I dared a glance in his direction. He had turned and was watching me intently, seeming to absorb my every word. He didn't speak, but somehow I felt he wanted me to continue.

"But things are different for me. I've seen the face behind the mask. The unknown isn't there for me to fear anymore. I know you are a person, a human, and not some demon in a disguise. Fear is no longer a factor for me."

I swallowed, gathering my thoughts. "But I still know your power, and your abilities to use it effectively. So then, instead of fear, I feel respect. As someone of lesser value than yourself, I look up to you as a leader and admire you, but no, I don't fear you anymore."

I met his gaze, suddenly unsure that I had said the right thing. "Does that make sense to you?"

He blinked. "Yes, that makes sense."

"Good." A small smile curved my lips, and relief flooded through me. "So about Mason."

Kylo rolled onto his back, a slight groan leaving his mouth. "He's still an idiot."

"He saved my life." I corrected him firmly. "Multiple times."

He didn't argue with that, choosing instead to stare at the ceiling with annoyance clear on his face. "Just keep in mind that you were there to stop me from bleeding out, not him."

I tilted my head to the side slightly, watching him closely. "Is that why you decided to keep me around? Besides the hair-braiding, I mean?"

He flashed a glare in my direction, but didn't answer. I interpreted his answer for myself, and I couldn't help but smile as I turned away, letting silence overtake the room once more.