Allegiance | Kylo Ren

LXII

I could hear Kylo rustling around inside his room. I slid the door open cautiously, my eyes widening when I found him sitting in the center of his floor, surrounded by what seemed like hundreds of open books.

He glanced up when I entered. "Sorry about the mess," he muttered.

I shook my head to dismiss his apology, picking my way carefully across the room to his bed. I sat on the edge of it, watching him as he flipped through a book. "What are you reading about?"

His dark eyes were scanning a page of words. After a moment, he sighed and tossed it aside, rubbing his tired eyes with a closed fist. "I'm doing research on the training methods of the Sith."

My eyes widened. "Why?"

"History likes to repeat itself." He picked up another book, looking over its contents briefly before tossing it aside, into the same pile as the last one. "There are patterns everywhere."

I watched him intently. I had never seen him like this. He was practically vibrating with agitation as he leafed through another book, throwing it a bit harder than last time when it didn't hold what he was searching for.

"My training with Snoke is about to reach its end," he informed me after a moment.

I nodded. "I know. Your assessment is soon."

He frowned at me, curious. "How—?"

"I talked to Hux." I rolled my eyes at the memory of the rude man. "Well, I tried to. He told me that your training is the reason why you aren't going on the mission tomorrow."

Kylo blanched. "The mission is tomorrow?"

I nodded and he let out a sharp huff, the stress beginning to radiate off him in waves.

"What are the books telling you? Or," I glanced at the pile in the corner. "Not telling you?"

"I thought they might hold a clue as to what my assessment would consist of. Clearly there was some sort of test that the Sith had to pass before they became Sith Lords, and it's very likely that my assessment will at least be similar. But," He flung a book against the wall. "I can't find anything."

My gaze raked over the rows of books that he had yet to look through. The collection was extensive.

"Want me to help?" I raised an eyebrow. "I can leaf through and point out anything I think might be useful?"

He stared at me for a moment before giving a swift nod and handing me a book. I took it gingerly, examining the cover. It was clearly very old—its cover was worn and its binding was fragile. I flipped through its pages gently, not wanting to tear any of its delicate pieces. When I had finished searching its contents with no success, I set it aside and fished another book off the floor. This process continued, with me creating a pile of books next to me and Kylo continuing to fling useless pieces of literature against the wall as if punishing them for not holding the right information. When only a few books remained untouched, I felt as if my eyes could not focus any more. The muscles in my head felt sore, and I rubbed my temples with my fingers.

"I don't think we're going to find anything." I muttered, setting aside yet another useless book.

Kylo let out a yell of frustration, making me jump. He threw the book he was holding against the wall with all of his strength, and as it hit the wall it exploded into a firecracker of white pages and broken binding.

Having had his brief catharsis, he kicked at the remaining few books with less anger. At last he swung around to face me, his dark eyes tired and his hair ruffled.

"What am I going to do?" He whispered, fear crossing his features momentarily.

I offered him a small smile. "You're going to finish your assessment. Whatever they throw at you, you'll be able to do it."

I extended my hand to him, and he took it after a brief hesitation. He settled on the bed next to me, pushing the pile of books off without touching them and staring intently at our intertwined hands.

"What do you think it's going to be?" I asked him after a moment, using my free hand to brush back his loose black curls from his face.

"I don't know." He murmured, his eyes meeting mine quickly before glancing away. "Whatever it is, it won't be easy."

"I'm sure you'll be fine." I traced the lines in his palm with my index finger.

"Thank you for helping." He glanced at the pile of discarded books. "Even if we couldn't find anything."

"It was a good idea to try and do some research ahead of time." My eyes fell on the destroyed book, and I couldn't help but smile softly.

He hummed quietly, watching our hands.

After a moment, my spine stiffened. "What time is it?"

Kylo shrugged. "Night?"

My eyes widened. "I need to go. I have to get up early tomorrow." It was probably too late to go talk to Mason before I left—I would have to settle for visiting him when I got back.

His face flooded with realization. "The mission."

I scrambled to my feet, nearly tripping over a discarded book. "I'll see you when I get back, okay?"

I was stopped in my tracks by his hand on my wrist. I glanced back at him, curious. My skin burned under his fingertips, but I tried not to think about that.

"I'm not going to be there with you tomorrow." He reminded me softly.

I nodded. "I know. I'll be careful."

He didn't let go of my hand. "Please." His voice was almost a whisper. "You have to come back safely."

I smiled softly, stepping back towards the bed. I pressed a soft friendly kiss to his soft curls. "I will. I promise."

When I turned and left, the only thing in my mind was the resounding desperation in Kylo's eyes as I departed.